A Racism Burnout: My Life as a Black Academic

• DOI: 10.1177/2153368720971025
• Author: Darnell F. Hawkins
• Date: 01 July 2021
• Published date: 01 July 2021
• Subject Matter: Articles

Article

A Racism Burnout: My Life

as a Black Academic

Darnell F. Hawkins

1

Abstract

The author explores within the context of academia the interpersonal and structural

dynamics that underpin the systemic racism to which the Black Lives Matter move-

ment responds.

Keywords

BLM, academia, racism, burnout, special issue

To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a rage almost all

the time ...James Baldwin

Men can starve from a lack of self-realization as much as they can from lack of

bread ...Richard Wright

If you wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down ...Toni Morrison

The past is never dead. It’s not even past ...William Faulkner

All mesearch is research ...Darnell Hawkins

Long before the rise of the Black Lives Matters movement, the mournful lyrics of the

traditional African American folk song “No More Auction Block/Many Thousands

Gone” served as a reminder of the ubiquity and non-exceptionalism of the loss of

black life and liberties in the United States. It takes the listener on a musical journey

that images the hellholes of the trans-Atlantic slave ships, the horrors of slavery, the

brutal lynchings of the Jim Crow era, and the ravages of the prison industrial complex.

As a protest anthem that dates back several centuries, it symbolizes black Americans’

collective memory of the brutalities of white racism and their steadfast resistance.

Today, BLM serves as the latest iteration of that centuries-long resistance. The lyrics,

1

University of Illinois at Chicago, Pine Buff, AR, USA

Corresponding Author:

Darnell F. Hawkins, University of Illinois at Chicago, P.O. Box 8741, Pine Buff, AR 71611, USA.

Email: arkvark@aol.com

Race and Justice

2021, Vol. 11(3) 301–317

ªThe Author(s) 2021

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DOI: 10.1177/2153368720971025

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alongside the quotes cited above, also remind us of the countless ways that racism

maims. Its multipronged tentacles in the United States affect the aspirations, hopes

and dreams, economic fortunes, health, and overall well-being of all who inhabit a

black body. Both figuratively and literally, many of its living victims are also among

the many thousands gone.

Taking Flight

During the late-1990s, I experienced what would become an irrepressible urge to

retire. It came after nearly 25 years of a quite productive academic career and was

early by academy standards. I was in good physical health and still involved in

research, writing, and consulting projects, some of which I would complete post-

retirement. I persisted despite some initial reservations, and even after hearing the

many puzzled reactions and words of caution from caring colleagues, close friends,

family, and a retirement counselor. Many emotions drove my decision to retire.

I considered how it wo uld facilitate my pas sion for gardening, and e njoyment of the

outdoors and nature. Particularly after my mother died in 1995, my lifelong love of

gardeningbrought a neededsolace and retreat. Ialso imagined havingmore time to travel.

Although these influences were at play, the urgency and rapidity of my push to

retire suggested that other factors were operative. Gradually, I began to admit that

perhaps the primary driver of my escapist urge was a delayed reaction to the many

decades of racism that I had endured. Preparing for an uncharted future exposed the

accumulated anger I had felt over the years in response to the many ways that race had

affected my life as a black man in America and my academic career. Accompanying

my repressed anger were feelings of disillusionment and frustration. I was a victim of

racism burnout.

As a sociologist then working on public health matters, I was familiar with the

many studies documenting the effects of institutional and interpersonal racism on

black Americans’ physical and psychological health. That is a lesson we are relearning

during the COVID-19 pandemic. However, my decision making was much more

guttural and intuitive than an exercise in intellect and science. I realized that racism

had already affected me and would have an even more significant impact the longer

I remained. In that sense, I now view my decision to retire not merely as a reaction, but

also as a preemptive move aimed at controlling the damage racism imparts.

I was slow to admit to my disillusionment and frustration because by the standards

of the day and in my family’s eyes, I was a success story. The youngest of 11 children,

I was the only one to graduate from college. Several siblings attended college but did

not finish because of financial constraints. Hence, I was a first-generation college

graduate within my family line. My father, a WWI veteran, violated the expectations

for rural black males of his day by attending college and was only a few hours short of

completing his undergraduate degree when family obligations took precedence. I was

the recipient of several advanced degrees, including a post-Ph.D. law degree obtained

during the years I was also pursuing tenure. Many sacrifices, hard work, and sweat had

gone into a career soon to end.

302 Race and Justice 11(3)