Prolonged Grief: How to Avoid Burnout

• Citation: Vol. 30 No. 1 Pg. 0064
• Publication year: 2024
• Pages: 0064

Prolonged Grief: How to Avoid Burnout and Walk Your Way Through Life's Many Losses Vol. 30 No. 1 Pg. 64 Georgia Bar Journal August 2024

Lawyer Well-Being

Grief must be acknowledged for what it is—a natural and necessary part of the human experience. There is no right or wrong way to navigate the journey.

BY TARA SIMKINS

GETTYIMAGES.COM/VALENTINA SHILKINA

Pathmaker, pathmaker, there is no path, You make the path by walking. By walking, you make the path ... ^[1]

The Unexpected Path of Life

Life is a funny thing.

You think it's going to be linear, a series of boxes to check:

College. Check. Law school. Check. Associate position. Check. Marriage. Check. Partnership. Check. Kids. Check. Happily ever after. Check.

Through living, however, you find that life is more nuanced, more Dickensian. Happily ever after looks more like the best of times and the worst of times, seasons of light and seasons of darkness, springs of hope and winters of despair.

Grief and Loss: Constant Companions

Grief will become your companion during these times, a natural, emotional response that follows loss. As a human and a lawyer, you will experience a multitude of sudden and unexpected losses.

Capital "L" Losses and Ambiguous Losses

Some of those losses will be capital "L" losses. Losses that can be clearly defined, like the death of a loved one, a catastrophic illness or injury, or a divorce. Other losses will be little "l" losses, what Pauline Boss describes as ambiguous losses.^[2]These types of personal losses have their own challenges. They require you to hold conflicting realities, like having a parent with Alzheimer's who is physically present but mentally not all there.

The Unique Losses Experienced by Lawyers

Add to this the types of professional ambiguous losses that are uniquely experienced by lawyers. Danielle Cover associates the unique losses lawyers experience as a more likely source of attorney burnout than stress. These are the types of losses that come with the territory, like identifying as a high-achieving student only to find yourself in the middle or bottom half of your law school class, losing a case, having your ideals challenged, not making partner in seven years, being disappointed by a colleague or client.^[3]

To be human means that you will experience loss.

To be a lawyer means that you will experience loss and remain unshakeable in the face of such loss,^[4] or so you learn as soon as your first semester in law school.^[5]

Prolonged Grief:

A Personal Journey

The last 15 years of my life have been filled with capital "L" losses and ambiguous losses.

Bookended by my middle son's leukemia diagnosis in January 2009 and my father's death in January 2024 and filled with all types of ambiguous loss in between, I can only describe this period in my life as one of prolonged grief. Every time I felt like I was gaining my footing, I found myself unexpectedly facing another family health issue, financial challenge or sandwich generation event. My ability to hold it all together has been tested beyond anything I ever imagined I could or would face in one lifetime.

WALKING PILGRIMAGES

Walking pilgrimages can have many purposes and benefits, including:

Spiritual

Many people undertake pilgrimages for religious or...