Professor James Herbie DiFonzo 1953–2017

• Author: Hon. Gail Prudenti
• Date: 01 January 2018
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/fcre.12319
• Published date: 01 January 2018

PROFESSOR JAMES HERBIE DIFONZO 1953–2017

Hon. Gail Prudenti

1

If there is one quality that immediately comes to mind when I think of my dear friend and

cherished colleague, Professor Herbie DiFonzo, it is: kind. He was, of course, a first-rate intellect, a

phenomenal professor, an educator par excellence, and a passionate and committed advocate for chil-

dren and families in crisis. But to me, the essence of the man, the one characteristic that stands above

all others, is his “do unto others” kindness.

I first met Professor DiFonzo when I was chief administrative judge and he came to my office

with Professor Andrew Schepard to discuss an initiative. His sincerity, his openness, and his enthusi-

asm were infectious. He was the ultimate what-you-see-is-what-you-get individual, a person one

both likes and respects from the get-go. It is said that first impressions are deceiving and frequently

wrong; Herbie DiFonzo was certainly the exception to that rule. To meet him was to like him; to

know him was to love him.

When I came to Hofstra as executive director of the Center for Children, Families and the Law, it

was a relief and a treat to see Herbie’s smiling face in my office as soon as I arrived. I knew from the

start that he was someone I could always count on, someone who would tell me like it was (whether

it was what I wanted to hear or not), someone who was always willing to pitch in. I would come to

treasure his sharp mind, quick wit, corny jokes, and enviable ability to simultaneously see both the

comedy and tragedy of the human condition. Herbie liked people, and he felt for them, and people

liked Herbie.

He wrote of no-fault divorce well before it was the law of this state and complained of divorce

laws that were more about rewarding the “innocent” and “punishing the guilty” than the children

caught in the middle. He wrote extensively about the “tender years” doctrine for deciding child cus-

tody, and its replacement with the “best interests of the child” standard.

He skillfully cast the child custody debate as the dilemma of Odysseus, who had to navigate a

narrow strait between a sea monster and a whirlpool to find his way home (Dilemmas of Shared

Parenting in the 21

st

Century: How Law and Culture Shaped Child Custody,43HOFSTRA L. REV.

1003 (2015)).

He noted that the changing family structure “means that marriage has become an optional arrange-

ment for creating a family,” and asked, “How did this happen?” (How Marriage Became Optional:

Cohabitation, Gender, and the Emerging Functional Norms, 8R

UTGERS J.L. & PUB.POL’Y521

(2011)). Along with his late wife and longtime collaborator, Ruth C. Stern, he coauthored the book

Intimate Associations: The Law and Culture of American Families in 2013. Both were astute observ-

ers of modern family dynamics.

When it came to family law, Professor DiFonzo had one non-negotiable absolute: children come

first.

I really don’t know where that passion for children and families came from and now wish that I

had asked. He was madly in love with his wife and soulmate and mourned for Ruth daily. He spoke

often and lovingly of his son, Drew. But his passion was such that I sometimes wondered if there

was something in his life or something he witnessed that branded the needs of children into his psy-

che for all time. Perhaps, but I am more inclined to believe that it stemmed simply from his innate,

ingrained, huge-hearted kindness and his unwavering sense of fairness and justice.

James Herbie DiFonzo was born in Buenos Aires and raised in New York City. He received a

B.S. in sociology from St. Joseph’s College in Philadelphia and J.D., M.A., and Ph.D. degrees from

FAMILY COURT REVIEW, Vol. 56 No. 1, January 2018 9–10

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C2018 Association of Family and Conciliation Courts