Planning for the future.

• Author: Deberry, Barbara W.
• Position: Northwestern Mutual: Extended Care Planning - Viewpoint essay

My father died almost 7years ago in his early 70s. I was blessed that we were able to have a very long conversation when he first became ill in which he told me exactly who and what was important to him and why. I was the "go to kid". I had to make some difficult decisions during the years he was ill but I had that conversation to refer back to in my mind. I wish it had been a plan on paper. I would have referenced it hundreds of times during his sickness ... not because it had all of the answers but because it would have given me guidance and confidence that whatever decision I made, my father supported me and he loved me.

Because of this personal experience, I realize we have become a country of planners ... financial, retirement, education, and estate, just to name a few. However, we have not yet become extended care planners, and ironically 70% of people turning 65 today can expect to need some form of long term care. (1) This care could be daily assistance needed due to physical limitations or to a cognitive impairment such as dementia or Alzheimer's. Without a long term care plan, we leave all of our other planning at risk.

If you are the "Go to Kid" who is providing assistance to a parent, grandparent, or other family member, you may have found yourself unable to attend your children's soccer games, go to company conferences, workout, get to work on time, concentrate or get a good nights sleep. This may be because you are figuring things out as you go. There was no plan. Yes, you knew your parents were getting older, but how do you plan for that? In my practice, I help individuals and couples plan for and navigate the widespread implications of extended care.

First, we discuss the family relationships. There is always one person, usually an adult child, who shoulders most of the responsibility. That alone can cause family strife. It also affects the relationship the caregiver has with his or her spouse and children. Family caregivers spend an average of 24.4 hours per week providing care and nearly 1 in 4 caregivers spend 41 hours or more per week providing care. (2) If family members cannot provide the care, it causes financial strains when $3,500-$11,000+ may be needed per month to pay for care at home, in assisted living or in a skilled nursing home.

Asking the tough questions is essential ... Where does that money come from? How long will the expenses continue? Will the healthy spouse be financially secure in retirement after...