College kids' parents should 'keep cool.' (avoid overreacting to new ideas and behaviors)

What should parents do if their son comes home from college wearing an earring and quoting Marx? What if your freshman daughter says she wants to switch religions and move to Bolivia? The best advice is to avoid overreacting to the various new ideas and behaviors. "The more vehemently parents react, the more likely their children will become locked into a position in order to demonstrate their independence," cautions Barbara Newman, professor of family relations and human development, and Philip Newman, adjunct professor of human ecology and senior researcher, Ohio State University. The husband-and-wife team are co-authors of When Kids Go to College: A Parent's Guide to Changing Relationships.

"Parents should adopt a stance of interested neutrality when their [offspring] bring back unusual plans or ideas. Parents should ask their children where they are learning these ideas, what they think about them. They should try to get their children to think about the issues themselves, to evaluate what it means to them."

The Newmans stress that the college years are a critical time for adolescents to develop their own unique identity. That process involves exploring new roles, values, and ways of thinking. It's important for mothers and fathers to realize that this experimentation is not the same as a lifelong commitment. College students may experiment by changing political parties, switching majors several times, or by seemingly rejecting lifelong values and beliefs. More than likely, many of these will be temporary.

"Adults who have made 25 or 30 years of commitments find it difficult and frightening to see their children experimenting with new ways of thinking. They're understandably afraid that their children will jump into something too quickly or make mistakes they can't change." They should consider college students' search for identity...