Parenting Advice and Regrets of Empty‐Nesters

AuthorAshton Chapman,David Schramm
Published date01 October 2018
DOIhttp://doi.org/10.1111/fare.12337
Date01 October 2018
A C University of Missouri
D S Utah State University
Parenting Advice and Regrets of Empty-Nesters
Objective: To identify the advice and regrets
empty-nest parents have when reecting on their
experiences as parents, and to investigate the
utility of the parenting pyramid framework for
parent education on the basis of that advice and
those regrets.
Background: The parenting pyramid species
that the parent–child relationship, teaching,and
correction are key components of parenting and
that they should be emphasized in that order or
priority. However, the extent to which this model
is reective of what parents actually think or do,
or wish they would have done, remains unclear.
Method: Empty-nesters were recruited through
social media, professional e-mail listservs, uni-
versity advertising, newspaper ads in multiple
states, and word of mouth, resulting in a con-
venience sample of 379 individuals from across
the United States who completed an online,
open-ended survey. Data were analyzed using
thematic analysis.
Results: Consistent with the parenting pyramid,
empty-nesters conveyed the importance of a
healthy parent–child relationship being the
foundation for teaching, reasoning, direction,
and correction throughout children’s lives.
Empty-nesters’ advice focused primarily on
the importance of the parent–child relationship
and the role of parents as teachers. Regrets
were related to overemphasizing correction and
negativity.
Department of Human Development and Family Studies,
0247 Forker Bldg, Iowa State University, Ames, IA 50011
(chapmana@iastate.edu).
Key Words: children, empty-nesters, parent–child relation-
ships, parent education, qualitative research.
Conclusions: These ndings provide empirical
support for the utility of the parenting pyramid
as a useful framework for principles-focused
parent education.
Implications: The relative importance of rela-
tionship building versus correction and dis-
cipline suggest that parent educators should
reduce the amount of time and attention they
spend answering the question “What to do when
things go wrong?” and focus more on helping
things go right.
Parenting advice is widely accessible; helping
professionals outline parenting best practices in
books, blogs, and family scholarship. In addi-
tion, more informal sources of advice, including
friends, family members, and other parents,
commonly act as resources for help-seeking
parents. Research reinforces the importance of
quality parenting: Parenting variables account
for a substantial amount of variation in child
outcomes, ranging from 20% to 50% (e.g.,
Reiss et al., 1995). However, many existing
outlets for parenting advice have been criti-
cized for creating a dependence on professional
help sources (e.g., medical or psychological
professionals) and discouraging parents from
relying on their own knowledge, experience,
and intuition when making parenting decisions
(Dolev & Zeedyk, 2006). Existing resources
also focus almost exclusively on only one aspect
of child-rearing—discipline—while paying far
less attention to strategies that may help reduce
parents’ focus on correction (e.g., relationship
building, teaching).
Empty-nest parents (i.e., parents whose adult
children no longer coreside with them) represent
Family Relations 67 (October 2018): 483–496 483
DOI:10.1111/fare.12337

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