Parenting Advice and Regrets of Empty‐Nesters

• Author: Ashton Chapman,David Schramm
• Published date: 01 October 2018
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/fare.12337
• Date: 01 October 2018

A C University of Missouri

D S Utah State University

Parenting Advice and Regrets of Empty-Nesters

Objective: To identify the advice and regrets

empty-nest parents have when reecting on their

experiences as parents, and to investigate the

utility of the parenting pyramid framework for

parent education on the basis of that advice and

those regrets.

Background: The parenting pyramid species

that the parent–child relationship, teaching,and

correction are key components of parenting and

that they should be emphasized in that order or

priority. However, the extent to which this model

is reective of what parents actually think or do,

or wish they would have done, remains unclear.

Method: Empty-nesters were recruited through

social media, professional e-mail listservs, uni-

versity advertising, newspaper ads in multiple

states, and word of mouth, resulting in a con-

venience sample of 379 individuals from across

the United States who completed an online,

open-ended survey. Data were analyzed using

thematic analysis.

Results: Consistent with the parenting pyramid,

empty-nesters conveyed the importance of a

healthy parent–child relationship being the

foundation for teaching, reasoning, direction,

and correction throughout children’s lives.

Empty-nesters’ advice focused primarily on

the importance of the parent–child relationship

and the role of parents as teachers. Regrets

were related to overemphasizing correction and

negativity.

Department of Human Development and Family Studies,

0247 Forker Bldg, Iowa State University, Ames, IA 50011

(chapmana@iastate.edu).

Key Words: children, empty-nesters, parent–child relation-

ships, parent education, qualitative research.

Conclusions: These ndings provide empirical

support for the utility of the parenting pyramid

as a useful framework for principles-focused

parent education.

Implications: The relative importance of rela-

tionship building versus correction and dis-

cipline suggest that parent educators should

reduce the amount of time and attention they

spend answering the question “What to do when

things go wrong?” and focus more on helping

things go right.

Parenting advice is widely accessible; helping

professionals outline parenting best practices in

books, blogs, and family scholarship. In addi-

tion, more informal sources of advice, including

friends, family members, and other parents,

commonly act as resources for help-seeking

parents. Research reinforces the importance of

quality parenting: Parenting variables account

for a substantial amount of variation in child

outcomes, ranging from 20% to 50% (e.g.,

Reiss et al., 1995). However, many existing

outlets for parenting advice have been criti-

cized for creating a dependence on professional

help sources (e.g., medical or psychological

professionals) and discouraging parents from

relying on their own knowledge, experience,

and intuition when making parenting decisions

(Dolev & Zeedyk, 2006). Existing resources

also focus almost exclusively on only one aspect

of child-rearing—discipline—while paying far

less attention to strategies that may help reduce

parents’ focus on correction (e.g., relationship

building, teaching).

Empty-nest parents (i.e., parents whose adult

children no longer coreside with them) represent

Family Relations 67 (October 2018): 483–496 483

DOI:10.1111/fare.12337