Parental alienation syndrome: an age-old custody problem.

• Author: Walsh, Michael R.

The term parental alienation syndrome (PAS), first described by Richard Gardner, is also sometimes referred to "brainwashing."(1) Its concept and dynamics include a complex network of involvement and motives on the part of all members acting in this family drama. Furthermore, each of them usually takes his or her role in the alienation process well before the dissolution or separation process begins.

Additionally, one should be mindful that in some instances a child does not reject a parent immediately following a parental separation but rather based upon actual or true life experiences. Thus, this syndrome affects intact, as well as divided, families.

PAS, in its most extreme form, refers to a disturbance in which a child is preoccupied with viewing one parent as all "good" and the other as all "bad." The former is loved and idealized, while the other is hated and verbally vilified.

The PAS hostility expressed by the child is generally characterized without any outward expression of guilt, embarrassment, or ambivalence. Accordingly, this conduct may be especially puzzling, even to a trained observer, if there is no apparent factual basis to justify the depth of the emotions involved.

In severe cases, the child may also suffer from psychosomatic complaints such as headaches, vomiting, loss of sleep, refusal to eat, and the like when faced with the prospect of visiting the "bad" parent. More often, however, the mild to moderately alienated child may express rejection by verbally disparaging the "bad" parent or destroying gifts or refusing to engage in family activities which were once enjoyed with that parent.

Contradictory as it may seem, such a child may also be able to show affection for the "bad" parent when alone, but will never do so in the presence of the "good" parent. This inconsistent "chameleon" quality is a diagnostic hallmark of PAS.

Routinely, the child living with the alienating parent (AP) for the majority of the time is in a classic "no-win" situation. If the child defies the AP's directive in vilifying the targeted parent (TP), the child is guilty of betrayal of their primary caretaker; conversely, if he or she supports these allegations or contributes to them, then the child betrays the TP. The child cannot win, and the deep conflict thus creates a passageway for the possibility of actual delusional thinking on his or her part, as well as that of the AP.

Leaving a child in this pathological environment is most damaging and, under these circumstances, a child may many times become anxious, isolated and depressed. In time, if proper intervention is not forthcoming, the child develops a deep and profound sense of self-hatred and shame for condemning the other parent. These children tend to become despondent, withdrawn, and develop psychopathic manipulative characteristics which may be carried into adulthood.

Actors, Programming, and Techniques

First of all, it is fallacious to believe that all of the responsibility for this process should be attributed solely to the AP, even though that parent has engaged in highly observable maneuvering or self-serving actions. A child usually has some contributing motive, even though it may be extremely vague or more defensible than malevolent.

Of course, there are always variables, such as where both parents appear to be playing their roles in the alienation process but the child will not join with them or is well able to disengage and maintain independence. The same may also happen with the TP, or the process may not fully play out at all because of a geographical distance involved or by the extremely limited time schedule between that parent and the minor child.(2)

Typically, the AP has an agenda for turning the child against the other parent. It helps to counterbalance that parent's feelings of inadequacy, lack of self-worth, powerlessness, or merely being overwhelmed with the future prospect of facing judicial proceedings. It may include revenge, guilt, fear of loss of the child, or loss of the role of primary parent or the desire to have proprietary control over the child, as well as jealousy of the other parent, the desire to obtain "leverage" as to equitable distribution, child support, or alimony, a past history of abandonment, alienation, physical or sexual abuse, self-protection, or even the loss of one's identity.

These motives lead the AP to program the child. Various techniques are used, such as: denying the existence of the TP, labeling the child as fragile, and thus requiring AP's continuous protection, creating an allegiance between the child and parent in a parental struggle, taking normal differences and turning them into a "good/bad" or "right/wrong" solutions, generalizing from specifics to global meanings, putting the child in the middle, comparing good experience with bad experience, attacking the TP's character or lifestyle...