Selling business line of credit: here is a marketing package from Bank of America offering its Business Credit Express. The concepts and key points are all solid ... just the packaging and presentation could be streamlined to reach this challenging target market.

• Author: Wachtel, George
• Position: Letter Doctor

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

(1) The outer envelope: The offer came in a window envelope; but it is very interesting to note Bank of America chose NOT to have their name or logo showing. And even though they spent the money for first-class (presort) postage, they opted to use a very cheap looking indicia; when they could have used a live stamp for very little extra cost.

(2) Overall Look: Business owners are one of the most difficult segments to reach with any marketing, so any mailing package has to look clean, brief and inviting. This one does not. The letter looks cluttered, and they chose to include an application, that while it requires very little information to complete, it looks more complicated than it is.

(3) Key Selling Points: The space in the upper right of the letter (the Johnson's Box) is totally redundant in that it has all the same points as listed in the sidebar headlines. Better to dean up the look by deleting the top points and drop down their tag line CA smarter cash flow solution") in the Johnson's Box area.

(4) Application Number: They appear to have a unique prospect record number, but it gets in the way up on top. Better to clean up some more by deleting that reference and...