Opening Marriage.

• Author: Rog, Jen
• Position: Letters - Letter to the Editor

Cathy Young seemed to imply, in "Opening Marriage" (March), that polygamy, one person having multiple spouses, is the same as polyamory. In polyamorous relationships and families, various arrangements of consenting adult men and women choose to love and support each other emotionally, spiritually, physically, and often financially. Commitment levels may vary, but love and personal freedom are prevailing factors.

Young approvingly quotes David Boaz's suggestion that polyamorists wait to get legal marital recognition until "all special laws related to marriage [cease] to exist." A group marriage would be considered too upsetting to the "social order and the raising of children." Not too long ago, however, homosexuals were considered an unfit family unit. If bisexuals can't even decide which sex to sleep with, how are we supposed to choose whether to marry one or the other? Swinging, cheating, and casual sex or dating are not options for those of us who want loving, meaningful relationships.

Young then worries that the "mere possibility of [adding multiple partners] could cause enough anxiety to destabilize a marriage." If true choice were an option, socially or legally, more people might experience ... well, more people! Of course that would be destabilizing to marriage, as it is currently defined as a union between two people. No more. Ever. Unless, of course, you cheat or get divorced, which are the currently popular, far more "destabilizing" ways to experience multiple partners.

Why should the possibility of expanding a marriage leave a spouse any more anxious than the possibility of divorce? "Serial monogamy" and cheating are proof that human beings enjoy being with more than one mate in life. Polyamorists strive to act on their desires in open, honest, loving manners. Jealousy and temptation are always realities; prohibiting the true opening of marriage will not make them go away.

Jen Rog

New Paltz, NY

Cathy Young's columns are always a joy to read. Her article "Opening Marriage" highlights the quicksand of legal conundrums that could make court rulings about gay marriage a nightmare. The potential for court-ordered...