Only Old Faithful should erupt on the job.

• Author: Gray, Carol Lippert
• Position: Importance of social skills in career advancement - Includes related article on financial professional's need for social skills

It isn't hard to master the soft skills that will make you a better leader.

The owner of a high-powered interior design business, meeting with a client and his then-CFO, Carl Nolan, was confirming his reputation for explosive, profane outbursts. Because Nolan had printed out a standard statement for the client's multimillion-dollar project and didn't include the project's entire history, he was verbally assaulted in the client's presence. "He was railing at me in the foulest language," Nolan remembers. "It took a while to let the nerve endings die down."

At the time, Nolan was working with a career coach, Laura Berman Fortgang. He asked her, "What do I do with this?"

Fortgang, author of Take Yourself to the Top - the Secrets of America's Number One Career Coach, replied, "Give him the information the way he wants it but don't respond to the emotions."

Now Hear This

Just because you're not Prince or Princess Charming doesn't mean you can unleash your anxieties or hostilities on your colleagues or employees. And just because you're a colleague or employee doesn't mean you have to stand there and take it. You need the social skills to defuse a situation and turn it to your advantage.

Having social skills is more than knowing which fork to use. According to Granville Toogood, author of The Articulate Executive - Learn to Look, Act and Sound Like a Leader, "Social skills, the interaction between individuals, have a great deal to do with common sense. They begin with cordiality and good manners. On the job or in recreation, they advance one's place in life." People who have them, he says, are "relaxed, maintain eye contact and are interested in what others have to say. A true leader always treats the help well. He or she is gracious, accommodating and polite. One of the greatest measurements of a true leader is that he or she is kind and thoughtful."

Since - unlike prepackaged peanut butter and jelly - you can't rush right out and buy a jar of poise and communication, how do you acquire them? "It takes tremendous practice and patience, making mistakes and being willing to do that," says Fortgang. "Social skills are the soft skills of business, your ability to express yourself and to understand others as they express themselves. If you can't hear other people's feedback, you're not picking up on clues that they are frustrated by you."

David Morris, managing partner in executive search consultants Heidrick & Struggles' Houston office, agrees...