Older Parents’ Perceptions of Ambivalence in Relationships With Their Children

• Author: Karen Hooker,Anisa M. Zvonkovic,Cheryl L. Peters
• Date: 01 December 2006
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2006.00424.x
• Published date: 01 December 2006

Older Parents’ Perceptions of Ambivalence

in Relationships With Their Children

Cheryl L. Peters Karen Hooker Anisa M. Zvonkovic*

Abstract: This qualitative study explores older parents’ ambivalent perceptions of their relationships with their adult

children. Interviews with 17 mothers and fathers (aged 671) provided reports on 75 relationships (43 sons, 32

daughters). Two predominant sources of ambivalence emerged when parents discussed their current relationships.

The first identified source of ambivalence relates to children being busy, so that parents were dissatisfied with the

frequency and quality of time spent together. Help exchanges are also discussed in light of children’s busyness. The

second identified source of ambivalence explores parents’ ambivalent perceptions about their children’s romantic

partners and parenting styles. Results are integrated into the developing theory of intergenerational ambivalence and

practice implications for family communication are discussed.

Key Words: aging families, ambivalence, emotion, family interaction, intergenerational relationships, qualitative family

research.

There has been a long history in the field of genera-

tional relationships documenting positive and nega-

tive aspects of social interactions within-family

networks (Antonucci, Akiyama, & Lansford, 1998;

Rossi & Rossi, 1990; Silverstein & Schaie, 2004).

Early approaches characterized relationships as either

‘‘close’’ or ‘‘problematic’’ and often missed the

nuanced complexities that characterize family rela-

tionships. In response to this criticism, Lu

¨scher and

Pillemer (1998) introduced intergenerational ambiv-

alence as a conceptual framework that allows for

examination of confusion, mixed sentiments, and

unsettled arrangements in relationships—in addi-

tion to positive aspects.

In everyday language, ambivalence implies simul-

taneously holding positive and negative feelings or

perceptions about a situation. In the family geron-

tology literature, however, ambivalence has been de-

fined in multiple ways, using different measurement

strategies, with a universally agreed-upon definition

yet to emerge (Lettke & Klein, 2004). Ambivalence

may be experienced on a psychological level—

involving feelings or thoughts of an individual—and

on a structural level, involving dilemmas created by

societal norms (Connidis & McMullin, 2002).

Recently, family scholars have focused on ambiv-

alence as an improved framework in which to study

intergenerational relationships. This approach has

generated considerable theoretical discussion (see

Journal of Marriage and Family, 64[3] for a five-

paper symposium) and is starting to inform empiri-

cal work (e.g., Pillemer & Lu

¨scher, 2004; Willson,

Shuey, & Elder, 2003). Much remains to be learned

about sources of ambivalence, how it is experienced,

who experiences it, and why it matters for family

gerontologists. Ambivalent ties differ from relation-

ships perceived as either solely problematic or solely

close in nature (Fingerman, Hay, & Birdett, 2004;

Pillemer & Suitor, 2002). Gaining a better under-

standing of family relationships from the newly

emerging ambivalence framework has the poten-

tial to provide new insights into communication

*Cheryl L. Peters is an Evaluation Specialist in Extension Family & Community Development, Oregon State University, 161 Milam Hall, Corvallis, OR 97331

(Cheryl.Peters@oregonstate.edu). Karen Hooker is a Professor in the Department of Human Development & Family Sciences and Director of the Gerontology

Program and theCenter for Healthy Aging Research,Oregon State University, 322 MilamHall, Corvallis, OR 97331 (hookerk@oregonstate.edu). Anisa M. Zvonkovicis

a Professor and Chair in the Department of Human Development & Family Studies, Texas Tech University, Lubbock, TX 79409 (anisa.zvonkovic@ttu.edu).

Family Relations, 55 (December 2006), 539–551. Blackwell Publishing.

Copyright 2006 by the National Council on Family Relations.