Older Adults Developing a Preference for Living Apart Together
| Published date | 01 June 2016 |
| Author | Marilyn Coleman,Jacquelyn J. Benson |
| Date | 01 June 2016 |
| DOI | http://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12292 |
J J. B M C University of Missouri
Older Adults Developing a Preference for Living
Apart Together
What is understood about late life partner
relationships is largely based on long-term mar-
riage, with little attention given to understanding
the process of forming new partnerships in older
adulthood. However, marked growth in cohab-
itation and greater awareness of living apart
together (LAT) suggests a need for further
investigation. The purpose of this grounded
theory study was to explore how decisions
about LAT are made among later-life men and
women. Twenty-ve participants completed life
history calendars and semistructured interviews
that examined how their current relationships
evolved into LAT. Seven contributing factors
were identied: relational and personal goals,
age, caregiver burden, partner factors, relation-
ship histories, and shifts in social mores. What
participants were “doing” during the process
of deciding to live apart together was working
to resolve their long-held and often ingrained
beliefs about romantic relationships. Three
preferences for LAT emerged from this study:
opposing, ambivalent, and advocating. Future
directions for research are discussed.
Because of increased life expectancy, sin-
glehood, and late-life divorce, older U.S.
Americans have experienced remarkable
Department of Human Development and Family Studies,
University of Missouri, 314 Gentry Hall, Columbia MO
65211 (email: bensonjj@missouri.edu).
This article was edited by Linda Waite.
Key Words: aging, decision making, living arrangements,
qualitative research, union formation.
changes in norms of partnering and family
formation (Manning & Brown, 2011). New
ways of “doing family” have become more
prevalent, particularly in how romantic partner-
ships are enacted and maintained. For most older
adults, marriage has been their only socially
acceptable choice for long-term romantic rela-
tionships. Recently, however, there is marked
growth in cohabitation among the Baby Boom
cohort (Brown, Lee, & Bulanda, 2006), as well
as increased interest in living apart together,or
LAT(Strohm, Seltzer, Cochran, & Mays, 2009).
Research is clear that intimate and personal
relationships positively benet the psychosocial
and physical health of older adults, though most
of our understanding about these linkages comes
from data based on long-term marriage. Despite
the growing preference for nonmarital pair bond-
ing among older individuals, only a small lit-
erature on older cohabitors exists, and virtually
nothing is known about the LAT relationships of
older people in the United States. To gaina com-
prehensive understanding about the health impli-
cations of social relationships in older adulthood
more research needs to be done on nonmarital
partnerships. As a logical rst step in address-
ing this research gap, the aim of our study was
to understand and explain how older adults in
LATrelationships make the decision to live apart
together versus marry or cohabit.
LAT is characteristically dened as a monog-
amous intimate partnership between unmarried
individuals who live in separate homes but iden-
tify themselves as a committed couple (de Jong
Gierveld, 2002; de Jong Gierveld & Peeters,
2003; Levin, 2004). The prevalence of LAT
Journal of Marriage and Family 78 (June 2016): 797–812 797
DOI:10.1111/jomf.12292
798 Journal of Marriage and Family
relationships in the United States is difcult to
estimate because we lack good data and have
difculty operationalizing these arrangements.
For men and women ages 23–70, estimates
of LAT relationships from the 1996 and 1998
General Social Surveys (GSS) are 6% and 7%,
respectively. Based on more recent data from
California on the same age group, estimates of
LATare 13% (Strohm et al., 2009). No data exist
on the prevalence of LAT among U.S. seniors,
but a trend toward LAT as a preferred mode for
enacting intimate relationships in later life is
evident. Recent media attention to the subject
(ABC News, 2006; Augustin, 2013; Joel, 2013;
Krishnan, 2013; Levy, 2013; Moggach, 2013;
Rosenblum, 2013) as well as evidence from U.S.
scholars (Brown & Shinohara, 2013; Carr, 2004;
Watson, Bell, & Stelle, 2010) and data reported
from national and state government organiza-
tions (Montenegro, 2003) indicate that divorced
and widowed older adults are interested in
forging new intimate relationships, albeit with
a preference for doing so outside the connes of
marriage (Brown & Shinohara, 2013).
C F LAT
R F
International scholars generally agree that the
desire to balance intimacy and autonomy is
the primary reason older adults in Europe (de
Jong Gierveld & Peeters, 2003), Australia
(Upton-Davis, 2012), and Canada (Funk &
Kobayashi, 2014) choose to live apart together.
Their motivations to do so include a strong
desire to make independent decisions about
their daily life (de Jong Gierveld, 2002), to
maintain their own homes, to sustain boundaries
around previously established relationships
(Karlsson & Borell, 2005), to remain nancially
independent (Haskey & Lewis, 2006), and to
reduce problems associated with potential disso-
lution (Haskey & Lewis, 2006; Kravdal, 1999).
These desires for autonomy paired with seeking
companionship, sexual intimacy, and the mutual
exchange of instrumental and emotional support
(de Jong Gierveld & Peeters, 2003) make LAT
an attractive option for older adults. In general,
LAT is viewed as a lifestyle choice among
older persons. In contrast, younger adults seem
to negotiate LAT arrangements as a result of
circumstances (e.g., nancial constraints, job
market, housing market, educational pursuits,
caregiving responsibilities; Levin, 2004; Milan
& Peters, 2003; Regnier-Loilier, Beaujouan,
Villeneuve-Gokalp, 2009). Unlike their younger
counterparts, most older adults in LAT rela-
tionships have stated that they do not wish to
cohabit or marry their partner in the future
(Regnier-Loilier et al., 2009). Instead, they tend
to describe their relationships as legitimate,
static family forms rather than a transitional
stage preceding future cohabitation or marriage
(de Jong Gierveld, 2004; Haskey & Lewis,
2006; Levin, 2004).
Although most scholars argue that older
adults pursue LATfor ideological reasons, some
research suggests that other factors may also
be important (de Jong Gierveld, 2002). For
example, social network (dis)approval of older
adult romantic relationships may shape an older
person’s decision to live apart together rather
than cohabit—reactions from offspring may
be especially inuential (Koren & Eisikovits,
2011). Approval from an adult child may serve
as justication for repartnering and even help
strengthen a parent’s new romantic relationship.
Conversely, real or feared disapproval from
adult children may encourage some older adults
to keep their LAT partnerships secret. Others
may maintain informal, non-cohabiting arrange-
ments, such as LAT, to assuage children’s
concerns about their parents’ nancial security
or inheritance matters (de Jong Gierveld &
Merz, 2013; de Jong Gierveld & Peeters, 2003;
Koren & Eisikovits, 2011).
Health is also a factor known to undermine
both the desire for romance and one’s appeal as
a romantic partner (Bulcroft & Bulcroft, 1991;
Goldman, 1993); thus, a wish to avoid overall
caregiving responsibilities (e.g., domestic care,
nancial support, health-related care) may be an
inuential aspect of relationship choice. When
Karlsson and colleagues (Karlsson & Borell,
2002; Karlsson, Johansson, Gerdner, & Borell,
2007) asked older LATpartners to describe their
level of commitment to provide future care to
their partner should their partner become ill,
most responded afrmatively, but women gen-
erally envisioned limits. For example, women
were less likely than men to consider provid-
ing full-time care. Other research has revealed
that older women may be especially inclined
to live apart together as a way of eschew-
ing traditional gender roles often inherent to
co-residing relationships (e.g., domestic respon-
sibilities; Haskey & Lewis, 2006). Conversely,
Carr (2004) determined that former reliance on
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