ODD VIRUS ATTACKS GOP GOVERNORS!

• Author: Hightower, Jim

WARNING: A mutant coronavirus named Gubernatorious asininus is spreading across the country, threatening to become a raging pandemic.

Originating earlier this year in the Texas governor's office (infamously known as "The Laboratory for Bad Government"), the brain-eating virus escaped and is now drifting unchecked on the political winds. It has already infected governors in Florida, Idaho, Iowa, Nebraska, and South Dakota.

An early indicator that your governor, too, might be coming down with Gubernatorious asininus is if they begin ranting that the mighty U.S. of A. is being "invaded." Yes, invaded, by masses of migrants from Mexico, Central America, and surely Hell itself--all intent on rape, murder, drug peddling, mayhem, and ultimately the usurpation of our nation.

Having such a delusional governor is embarrassing, but the disease turns downright scary when infected governors try acting on their paranoia. Take Greg Abbott, the GOP governor of Texas, who has conjured up this current invasion fantasy and is causing it to go viral in Republican statehouses.

Abbott is a frantic Chicken Little, squawking that a "tidal wave" of amnesty seekers is crossing our southern border. This, he says, is "causing border ranchers to lose their livestock or border farmers to lose their crops." What's more, he claims, "homes are being invaded, neighborhoods are dangerous, and people are being threatened on a daily basis with guns."

So, by golly, Greg is taking action! On our dime, of course. His big plan? Build a wall!

Yes, obviously infected by an advanced case of asininus, Abbott is seeking a repeat of Donnie Trump's failed boondoggle of a border wall. To fund his political gambit, the governor has expropriated a $250 million "down payment" from the state's meager budget to "secure our border." The sum would build less than ten miles of wall on our 1,200-mile border with Mexico... and won't keep anyone from crossing.

But failure seems to be in Abbott's DNA. He oversees a feeble state power grid that failed in February, killing more than 100 Texans. He has left five million people without health coverage, a higher share than any other state.

Did I mention that Abbott wants to run for President? Of the United States! Seriously.

It's one thing to strive for herd immunity to defeat a coronavirus, but in politics the herd instinct can send a whole species over a cliff.

That seems to be happening among the frenzied herd of Republican governors now stampeding...