Not a ladies' auxiliary.

• Author: Graff, E.J.
• Position: Media coverage of gays neglects lesbians - Column

What's the difference between a gay man and a lesbian? I'm not sure the mainstream media could answer that. In the recent flood of coverage about us, a number of errors has made women invisible. Sometimes the error is as jaw-dropping as a comment that "gay men and lesbians" must be careful not to fall back into pre-AIDS sexual practices like anal sex (I actually did read this, in a New York Times op-ed) - as if this writer really believes lesbians have the same anatomies as gay men, or comparable AIDS risk. Sometimes it's more subtle, as when The Washington Post and The New York Times ran all-male photos of the April March on Washington, with captions about "gay men and lesbians."

Why do I worry about something so minor? Shouldn't I be glad that lesbians and gay men are getting any air time that isn't hate propaganda? Shouldn't I enjoy the solidarity imposed on our communities, which have often been separate, even hostile? Why not keep my mind focused on the issues we do have in common - civil rights in housing and jobs, recognition of our partnerships, freedom from violence and bigotry? Why get all picky about lesbians being treated as faux men?

We all know by now that it's dangerous to assume that women's experiences mirror men's. It leads to problems like all-male heart studies and all-male history books. It implies that men count and women don't. In the case of gay men and lesbians, the assumption leads to lopsided public discussions.

For instance, lesbians have been almost invisible in the gays-in-the-military debate, which concentrates on straight men's fears that gay men are sexual predators. In reality, women are discharged for homosexuality at three times the rate of men, across all the armed forces; in the Navy, women's discharge rate for homosexuality is ten times men's. Women who've been discharged speculate that homosexuality is an easy charge to bring against women who refuse a male commander's advances. In this case, noticing the differing realities of gay men and lesbians would mean examining the problems of women in a male institution - quite a different discussion from the generals' projected fears of Tailhook for straight boys.

But such civic reasons are only part of what makes me angry. It's simply painful when the world forgets that lesbians are women - anatomically, socially, emotionally, intellectually. That we were raised to be good girls, warned against bodily pleasures, infected with the desire to please. That we...