Nobel Peace Prize for Hillary?

• Author: Durst, Will
• Position: Impeachment questions - Brief Article

Frequently asked questions about impeachment:

Q: Can Clinton prevail?

A: If anyone can, it's him. He gets involved in an inappropriate relationship with a girl twenty-seven years his junior, gets caught lying to a grand jury, and what happens? Two Republican Speakers resign.

Q: Could the President help himself by apologizing?

A: Doubt it. He's already apologized to everybody for everything including El Nino, the substandard maple syrup crop, and that whole Billy Ray Cyrus thing.

Q: Any chance he'll resign?

A: About the same chance we'll see the moon fall out of the sky and lab rats grow wings.

Q: Does the President have an enemies list?

A: If so, his name is at the top.

Q: Is Matt Drudge the journalist of the future?

A: No, Larry Flynt is.

Q: The heck is going on here?

A: Good question.

Q: What does a split-screen Presidency mean?

A: People in Washington could watch Clinton end the bombing in Iraq and the Redskins game at the same time.

Q: How much credibility does Bill have left?

A: Well, the credibility dipstick is pretty dry, but he could try to explain that when he wagged his finger and told the American public in a scolding voice, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman," he was actually pointing at Helen Thomas.

* Here it is 1999, the last year of the century. Thomas Jefferson and Bill Clinton both had DNA tests come back positive. The stock market broke all records. Just think of the many changes we're likely to see in the year ahead.

* Al Greenspan assures Business Week that the only time he will use the words "irrational exuberance" is when he's at a Metallica concert.

* Amazon.com vows to get out of the book business altogether and concentrate on getting its stock up to Berkshire Hathaway levels.

* Bill Gates resolves to have an airtight alibi when Janet Reno's personal computer crashes.

* The long-distance giants affirm their commitment to continue merging and merging and merging and merging until they evolve into a single entity that will be renamed: Ma Bell.

* The airline industry makes every effort to finally rid the skies of the most dangerous security element known to man: the second carry-on bag.

* Boris Yeltsin vows to get out of rehab in time to accept our bailouts.

* Clinton pledges to fix Social Security once and for all--by raising the retirement age to ninety.

* In Sacramento, California's new governor, Gray "and that's a gross exaggeration" Davis, was inaugurated as the state's first Democratic governor...