Navigating 'Introvert Hell'

• Author: Heidi K. Brown
• Pages: 22-23

Navigating ‘Introvert Hell’

You don’t have to be hard-charging to be an impactful legal networker

By Heidi K. Brown

A law fi rm part ner once advised me

to “grow a thicker skin!” when net work-

ing at legal conferences. He di sfavored

my quieter, one-on-one approach. I

tried mirror ing his extroverted, ag gres-

sive style. It didn’t work. I felt fake and

awkward, annoye d and stressed. Years

later, after wr iting The Introverted

Lawyer, I fi nally understood why

walking into a ro om of 300 lawyers or

potential clients at a lega l conference

and feeling pressure to i nstantly forge

business deve lopment connections felt

daunting. The fl uorescent lights, t he sea

of suits and the din of rapid-fi r e chatter

seemed chaotic and not con-

ducive to authentic conver-

sation. I usually cir cled the

perimeter, clutching a gla ss

of pinot grigio, not know ing

how to infi ltrate t his “club”

to which everyone else

already seemed t o belong.

Last year, my entire per-

spective on networking

changed. On the opening

night of a legal conference,

I attended the welcome

dinner, a raucous a air i n

a brewery. High-powered

lawyers hobnobbed near

the bu et. The venue

was loud, brightly lit and

chock-full of gregar i-

ous extrovert s. What am

I doing here? I looped

the rustic space , perused

the appetizers, sc anned

nametags for conversa-

tion starter s and chided

myself for wanting to

leave. I bumped into

my co-panelist, w ho

mouthed, “This is int rovert hell.”

Laughing, I responded, “ Want to

spend another half-hour here and

then grab dinner at the hot el?” Newly

emboldened as a team, we dove back

in for 30 minutes, interm ingling with

di erent groups, inv iting individuals

to our panel and learn ing about other

upcoming presentations that piqued

our interest. We then hopped in an

Uber, returned to the con ference hotel

and shared a wonderfu l dinner and

vivacious conversat ion, solidifying a

new friendship. Since tha t dinner, we

have collaborated and cro ss-promoted

one another’s work sev-

eral times. This la sting

connection s prung out

of shared authenticity

and vul nerability.

Instead of forcing

extroversion in high-

pressure net working

scenarios that na tu-

rally drain ou r energy

and cause unnece ssary

internal confl ict, intro-

verts can be power ful

connectors by recogniz-

ing and capitaliz ing on

our inherent strength s.

For naturally quiet

individuals, bei ng

a good networker

is not—as is often

sugge sted—about

“boosting our c on-

fi dence.” We are

confi dent. We’re

good at what we do.

Instead, it’s about

strategically choo sing

circumstances that

play to our gifts: impa ctful one-on-

one connection s in environments t hat

ignite, inste ad of sap, our spark.

A FEW STRATEGIES

“Know thyself.” Socrates cham-

pioned this mantra. If you a re a natu-

rally quiet law yer, fi rst get to “ know

thyself”—your persona lity strengths

and perceived chal lenges. Read books

on introversion and understand w hy

highly stimulati ng networking envi-

ronments can feel energ y-sapping—

instead of energ y-generating as they

might be for extrovert s. In what types

of interpersonal i nteraction do we

thrive? One -on-one? Small group s?

Attending presentat ions and connect-

ing with the spea kers? Sports outings?

Volunteering? In what venues of inter-

personal interac tion do we not thri ve?

I do not thrive in “speed net working,”

small talk , situations involving con-

stant interr uption and high-pressure

“sales” scenarios. Ma ke a list of your

networking likes a nd dislikes.

Identify concret e, long-term and

event-specifi c goals. It’s importa nt to

identify w hy we want to develop busi-

ness: Is it because someone is tell ing

us we have to, or is it because it’s valu-

able for our personal grow th and pro-

fessional fulfi llment? Let’s own exactly

what we want for ourselves. Is the goa l

to land one giant client now, or plant

multiple seeds of connection for the

future? What ty pe of clients or cases

do we want fi ve years or 10 year s from

now? What types of ind ividuals—per-

sonality, charac ter, demeanor and

values—do we want to work wit h in

the near and dista nt future? For spe-

cifi c events, is the goa l to gather piles

22 || ABA JOURNAL JULY-AUGUST 2019

Advocacy

EDITED BY BLAIR CHAVIS,

LIANE JACKSON

Practice

PHOTO BY RAYMOND MONTALVO

“IF YOU ARE A NATURALLY

QUIET LAWYER, FIRST GET

TO ‘KNOW THYSELF’

—

YOUR

PERSONALITY STRENGTHS

AND PERCEIVED CH ALLENGES.”

—

HEIDI BROWN