Misanthrope seeks love.

• Author: Puterbaugh, Dolores T.
• Position: PARTING THOUGHTS - Essay

NEWSPAPERS, of course, focus on all the wrong stories. Actual news--what ought to be above the fold--hides beneath the fold, under sports and various predictable scandals. Buried deep in the newspapers are the real stories of real people, whose tales can touch the heart with only the scantest of details. An obituary may stun; a personal ad can be unexpectedly poignant. From a rural New England newspaper, the following personal ad caught the eye of a family member, who sent it to me (not because I need companionship), but because it struck my correspondent with hilarity.

At first glance, one can see why a cursory reading might yield laughter: "MISANTHROPE WITH BROAD SKILL SET. Hater, misfit, tradesman, all with a heart of gold. I hold myself and others to a standard that does not exist anymore. I find most people to be slack-jawed, talentless, spoiled, entitled, weak, oversensitive, and undeserving of all the taken-for-granted luxuries our culture brings. Working and a lot of fun to be around. Most people never get that close."

My reaction was not laughter. I felt sad that someone who might meet this description would need to advertise for companionship. To be a misanthrope seems to make sense: who isn't skeptical of others' motives? Is being a bit distrustful unhealthy in some way? The next phrase of the ad is telling in this regard. The juxtaposition of "hater" and "heart of gold" is notable. I suspect "hater" is a tired shrug, a half-hearted acquiescence to others' criticism, and the bizarre notion that holding high standards is, in regrettable modern parlance, to be a "hater." Having high standards makes me a hater? Fine, I am a hater. Whatever.

Broad skill set and tradesman: it is a smart choice to put it out there straight off and be spared the aggravation of meeting women who cannot imagine the advantages of being with a man who can function in the material world. They believe it would be better to pair up with someone who is utterly dependent on tradesmen to get through a typical day. Great--unless you are that rare woman who is as competent as a farm-raised 1950s-era male with tools--that makes two of you who cannot change the oil, deal with a cranky sump pump, or repair a broken piece of furniture. When it comes time for normal household repairs--replace a window here, a door lock there, a leaky pipe or sulky toilet--being utterly helpless never is a good plan A. However, a partnership in which, between the two of you, you can...