Meet Them Where They Are.

AuthorPuterbaugh, Dolores T.
PositionPARTINGS THOUGHTS

THREE TIMES EACH YEAR, our parish runs Alpha, an 11-week program for people who are open to exploring the basics of Christianity, starting with elemental questions such as: "Is there more to life than this?" or "Why should I believe in God?" The chair of the committee running this, and our other evangelization programs, was accosted by a fellow parishioner after Mass one morning. The parishioner had a list of grievances, particularly that the program was not "Catholic," citing various deficits, in the complainant's mind, such as a lack of Marian theology.

Besides her apparently unchristian behavior, she had missed the point of meeting people where they are. Many individuals are skeptical about the existence of God because they have been sold a bill of goods about faith and science being incompatible; it is hardly useful to wrestle them into a dialogue about the Blessed Mother and the Virgin Birth, or Transubstantiation. We must meet them where they are. They are wondering if there is a reason to believe in anything or any One, and rushing somewhere else will not help; it simply truncates the conversation before it begins.

Just so, in our daily lives, we must meet people where they are.... It well may be that the child you permitted to walk all over you is now grown, or nearly so, and the rudeness and demanding behaviors that you thought were funny at age two, and tolerable at age four, are grinding you down now that he or she is 18 or 21 or 30. It does little good to beat yourself up because you were not willing to foresee this problem; you need to deal with the situation as it exists, or choose not to (and continue to be ground down by caustic, toxic offspring). Attempting to have what you think is a perfectly reasonable conversation about your expectations and anticipating you will receive thoughtful, considerate responses is, well, sad and silly. You will have to meet them where they are: as a very large toddler who needs clear rules and near-immediate consequences. You also will need a plan as to how you will cope with an adult having a temper tantrum.

There will be displeasure about any limits you set: "We are no longer going to pay for your cell phone. You can come with me to [provider's storefront] after work on [specify date] to switch the number to a new account in your name, or I will simply close that number." You will hear how unfair this is, how unreasonable--you know how much their student loan payments are, right?--and how...

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