Meanwhile in America.

Author:Sacco, Joe
Position:Comic
 
FREE EXCERPT

When Kerry came to town again for another mega-rally, my sweetheart Amalie asked if I was interested in making it a date.

FORGET IT.

IF IT'S ANYTHING LIKE THE LAST ONE, IT'LL BE A NIGHTMARE.

LONG SECURITY LINES.

UNNECESSARY MUSICAL ENTERTAINMENT AND ENDLESS MOVING TRIBUTES.

MAYBE, BUT I WANT TO SEE IF HE CAN GIVE ME SOMETHING I HAVEN'T GOT FROM HIM YET.

This late in the election season, Kerry's message still hasn't resonated with many of those, like Amalie, who intend to support him in November anyway.

Kerry will get her vote because she can't stomach Bush--which brings us to the question of the day:

IS THERE ANYTHING ABOUT KERRY THAT RECOMMENDS HIM TO THE VOTER OTHER THAN HE'S NOT BUSH?

My pal Gerry thinks the premise of my question is all wrong.

IT'S NOT ABOUT TWO CANDIDATES RUNNING FOR OFFICE.

IT'S ABOUT ONE CANDIDATE AND A SITTING PRESIDENT.

YOU CAN'T DEFINE THIS ELECTION AS ANYTHING BUT A REFERENDUM ON BUSH.

My barber, who respects Kerry's liberal record, takes a different tack ...

IF KERRY THINKS HE'S GOING TO GET ELECTED BECAUSE THINGS ARE GOING TO GET WORSE FOR BUSH IN IRAQ, OR BECAUSE THE UNEMPLOYMENT FIGURE WILL GO HIGHER, OR BECAUSE THE DEFICIT WILL CONTINUE TO RISE DAY AFTER DAY, HE'S MISTAKEN.

Bush has something going for him that Kerry doesn't, he says.

HE APPEALS TO THAT MOTHER OF THREE IN WAL-MART WITH AN AMERICAN FLAG PINNED TO HER LAPEL.

BUSH--AND THIS IS AS CLOSE AS A COMPLIMENT I CAN PAY THE GUY--BUSH TOUCHES PEOPLE.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'D PROBABLY LIKE BUSH, TOO, IF I MET HIM. I'M NOT SURE I'D LIKE KERRY.

YEAH, IT'S FUNNY. BUSH COMES ACROSS AS "ONE OF US." I CAN PICTURE HIM SITTING HERE WAITING FOR A HAIRCUT.

But neither of us can imagine...

To continue reading

FREE SIGN UP