Meanwhile in America.

• Author: Sacco, Joe

To their credit, my parents are among that dying breed of senior--uh, maybe I should rephrase that--who have the courage to call themselves, say, 75 years "old" rather than 75 years "young".

WHEN YOUR MOTHER AND I WERE IN OUR 20'S, WE USED TO HOP FROM CAFE TO CAFE...

NOW WE HOP FROM CLINIC TO CLINIC.

DID YOU REMEMBER TO TAKE YOUR PILL? THE RED ONE?

While peppy TV commercials show seniors spelunking or bungi jumping for their Geritol, my parents limit themselves to a little gardening, dozing, and talking about which of their contemporaries is going down the drainpipe.

THEY HAD TO AMPUTATE HER LEG. IT WAS THE DIABETES.

THAT'S ENOUGH SALT IN THERE. DON'T YOU SEE WHAT SALT DID TO ME?

(I am temporarily incarcerated at my parents' place in California while I plot my escape to the Pacific Northwest.)

One of the unpleasant features of life with the folks is the noise level. Dan Rather is cranked up so loud that even upstairs, with the door closed, I can hear every solemn inanity he utters.

AND THAT'S PART OUR WORLD TONIGHT...

CHRIST, WHEN'S DAD GONNA GET A HEARING AID?

But I'm glad my dad watches any news at all. He and my mom are converts to the Jehovah's Witnesses, and the Jehovah's Witnesses--

--DON'T GET INVOLVED IN POLITICAL THINGS. WHEN WE GET TOGETHER, WE DON'T TALK ABOUT ANYTHING CONTROVERSIAL.

BUT THAT'S SO BORING.

IT'S NOT BORING. IT'S NICE.

Let's skip what I think of believers of any religion...

OKAY, LET'S NOT SKIP IT.

I THINK THEY'RE ALL OUT OF THEIR MINDS

I just don't get how my opinionated dad, who was a heavy socialist back in the Old Country and who last voted for Reagan (!!) in This One, could temper the political blood that courses through his veins. But he tells me he stopped voting before his religious conversion, that he'd already given up on the process. An example of his disgust:

WHAT DO YOU CALL THOSE THINGS THEY PUT ON THE BALLOT?

PROPOSITIONS.

PREPOSITIONS?

PROPOSITIONS.

THEY PUT THE PREPOSITION 187 * ON THE BALLOT, BUT THE JUDGE OVERTURNED IT. THAT'S NOT JUSTICE!

I offer my understanding of how a law can be challenged in court and found unconstitutional.

TO ME, THE CONSTITUTION IS WHAT THE PEOPLE SAY.

There are many reasons my dad wasn't a Founding Father, and I hope you are grateful for all of them. Meanwhile...

Let's throw out some more bait! The recall of Governor Davis? You can't ignore that Cecille B. DeMille--scripted spectacular here in California, eh, dad?

THEY'RE ALL CROOKS OR INCOMPETENT...