Meanwhile in America.

• Author: Sacco, Joe
• Position: Comic

Recently my friend Michael was lamenting the presidential match-up with me ...

I'D LIKE TO VOTE FOR SOMEONE I'D LIKE TO VOTE FOR. I'D LIKE TO EXPERIENCE THAT AT LEAST ONCE IN MY LIFE. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN VOTING FOR THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS.

IT'S A SHAME. WE'RE LOCKED IN THIS TWO-PARTY DUALITY.

When I echo the same sentiments to my pal Gerry, he responds hotly that a Bush victory would make worrying about electoral "duality" moot.

IN AN E-MAIL:

"A two-party stranglehold is going to look like a golden age when there's only one party ten years from now."

I'm just as passionate about seeing Bush out the door, but, unfortunately my enthusiasm for Kerry is fading rather fast.

Frankly, I'm troubled staking my election hopes on a man who has yet to leave his mark on the American consciousness.

At least, counters my friend Holly--

--HE MANAGED TO GET HIS FACE ON THE NEW TWENTY.

My pal Rich and I went to see Ralph Nader recently at a venue that usually hosts rock acts when he tried, unsuccessfully, to get his name on the Oregon ballot.

Okay, we know we're supposed to shun the "spoiler" candidate, but we managed to drown our guilt in rounds of whisky purchased (and purchased) at the bar.

But Nader wath fantathtic. He gave uth gooth bumpth with hith vithsion of a better America ...

Wooooo!!

(And may I add that nothing he said sounded radical by the standards of the Democratic Party of 25 years ago.)

Neither of us intends to support Nader, but we both found ourselves stuffing John Kerrys into a dubious box that we perhaps mistakenly assumed was there for contributions.

So much for our guilt.

And what sort of support does Kerry inspire? Recently he came through Portland, and his turnout was enormous. The crowd spilled out of the assigned outdoor venue, into the street, and onto my foot.

OWWWW!

(Hell is other Kerry supporters.)

I couldn't see Kerry but I could hear him...