Meanwhile in America.

• Author: Sacco, Joe

My pal Dave has always puzzled me.

First off, he's a Jewish Republican.

NOTHIN' WRONG WITH THAT.

EXCEPT THE REPUBLICAN PART.

And he'd seemed wound up for years.

WHAT'S EATIN' THAT GUY?

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

So when he finally came out to me a few years back, I wasn't so much surprised as further confounded.

SO HE'S A GAY JEWISH REPUBLICAN!

THE PLOT COAGULATES.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Of course he still had to tell his family. One day Dave's mother pressed him a little harder than usual to date a nice Jewish girl, and wondered why he wouldn't.

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW? YOU WON'T LIKE THE ANSWER.

And he told her.

OH, NO DAVID, YOU JUST HAVEN'T MET THE RIGHT GIRL YET.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Well, either have I, come to think of it, dave hasn't met the right boy. We're just a couple of aging, balding guys whose prospects diminish with each additional potato chip.

'NOTHER CUP OF TEA?

URRRGHHHHH

SOUND OF MIDDLE-AGED MAN WITH FLABBY STOMACH MUSCLES ATTEMPTING TO GET FROM A SITTING TO A STANDING POSITION.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Now to me, a gay Republican would seem an oxymoron (and a gay, Jewish republican oxymoronic), but Dave, who held elected office in a city council in washington State, and who could prove water runs upstream, begs to differ--

IN THE 2000 ELECTION, AN EXIT POLL FOUND THAT FOUR PERCENT OF VOTERS IDENTIFIED THEMSELVES AS GAY.

A QUARTER OF THOSE VOTED FOR BUSH.

GOOD GOD!

In fact, Dave is president of Washington States Log Cabin republicans, which seeks to educate his party about issues important to gays and lesbians.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Dave dismisses my supposition that gays would find a more natural home in Democratic Party.

WITH THE EXCEPTION OF BRAGGING ABOUT APPOINTMENTS OF OPENLY GAY PEOPLE TO THE ADMINISTRATION AND SOME FEEL-GOOD WORDS, WHAT GOOD CAME OUT OF THE CLINTON YEARS?

WELL--

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

HE SIGNED THE 'DON'T ASK DON'T TELL POLICY INTO LAW. IT PASSED A DEMOCRAT-CONTROLLED HOUSE AND SENATE.

WELL--

AND THE 'DEFENSE OF MARRIAGE ACT' WAS PASSED BY CONGRESS IN '96 AND SIGNED BY CLINTON.

WELL--

Well, no one ever accused Clinton of having a spine.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

IN THE THREE YEARS OF GEORGE BUSH'S PRESIDENCY, HE HASN'T SIGNED ANY ANTI-GAY LAW

GEORGE BUSH APPOINTED OPENLY GAY PEOPLE TO POSTS. HE JUST HASN'T BRAGGED ABOUT IT.

OR MAYBE HE DIDN'T WANT TO DRAW ATTENTION TO APPOINTMENTS THAT WOULD ALIENATE HIS CONSERVATIVE BASE.

I DIDN'T ACTUALLY SAY THIS AT THE TIME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. I'M THE KIND OF...