Miscellaneous meanderings.

• Author: Kreyche, Gerald F.
• Position: PARTING THOUGHTS

THERE ARE MANY GOOD THINKERS around, but most are slow on the draw to respond to clever remarks with a witticism of their own. Only later do they think of an appropriate comeback. Well, here are a few items to store in your memory bank for such occasions.

In describing a nonstop talker, one might characterize him as holding up his end of the conversation to the point of being perpendicular.

A good description of a braggart is a self-made man who adores his maker.

Something more subtle is to say of a haughty executive that he is one of the big guns of industry--having been fired several times.

To those number-crunchers, who now play a major role in our computerized society, is the reminder of the statistician who drowned crossing a river that, on average, was a mere two feet deep.

The Evangelical Bible-thumper preaching that we should endure hardship now, for our reward will be great in the next life, is in need of the Chinese proverb rejoinder, "Better an egg today than a hen tomorrow."

After hearing a glorious eulogy given to someone who never deserved it, there is the caustic comment that, of course he was a good man--in the worst sense of the term!

For the indecisive person who continually hems and haws, there is the observation that, what the world needs are more one-armed people--that way, he or she cannot say, "On the other hand...."

If you ever need to make an unapologetic apology, try, "I was wrong and I am sorry."

About the author who has literary diarrhea is the fitting rebuke, "He writes more than he knows."

To the thought police who insist on a misguided political correctness, it should be pointed out that political correctness is but a more polite form of tyranny.

The extreme rationalists, such as Mr. Spock of "Star Trek," deserve the response that, "Heart has its reasons that reason will never understand." A re-enforcer of this is, "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly: what is essential is invisible to the eye."

A good response of a boss to a complaining worker is, "I don't get ulcers. I give 'em!"

If someone fails to grasp your point, tell the individual that it is understandable as, to the blind, all things are sudden.

A feminist might rail at a male chauvinist that a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

Shifting gears a bit, let's look at some of the countless incongruities and ironies that should be seen as more than just simple oxymorons: Nowadays, one goes to the theatre to be edified and...