McServitude.

• Author: Hightower, Jim
• Position: VOX POPULIST - McDonald's labor relations

McDonald's is scrambling, and I'm not talking about eggs. You know your business has what image consultants call "quality perception issues" when you have to launch a PR initiative that publicly addresses such questions as: "Does McDonald's beef contain worms?"

Thornier yet for the world's largest burger machine is its boneheaded response to the remarkable, ongoing rebellion by fast food workers, who are demanding a $15-an-hour wage and the freedom to unionize without corporate retaliation. The overpaid and clueless executives at McDonald's responded by--guess what?--retaliating against hundreds of the employees who joined the protests. Big Mac managers illegally reduced the hours of those who joined the "Fight For 15" campaign, spied on them, interrogated and threatened them, and imposed restrictions on their freedom even to talk about unions or working conditions.

The corporation now faces federal charges on hundreds of labor law violations--as well as rising customer anger over its ham-handed tactics. Naturally, McDonald's responded by apologizing and raising workers' wages.

Ha! Just kidding. Instead, it's running a new series of TV ads that, astonishingly, tries to tap into people's emotions about such tragic events as 9/11 and the Boston Marathon bombing, as well as linking its logo to people's positive feelings about veterans, birthdays, and even "love."

What a joke. For over a decade the burger behemoth has pushed its product with an advertising slogan that exuberantly proclaims, "I'm Lovin' It."

But it turns out that putting words of praise in customers' mouths doesn't sell more burgers--in fact, customers have been putting fewer Big Macs, Chicken McNuggets, and other McEdibles in their mouths, causing sales to sag. CEO Don Thompson is being forced to leave after less than three years in the...