McCain's VP short list.

• Author: Durst, Will
• Position: Off the Map - Column

Warren Buffett. World's richest man. In case the campaign needs a loan. Or the country.

Dan Quayle. Knows the drill.

Ronald Reagan. Quit pussyfooting around. It's what the base wants. Who cares if he's dead? How less animated is that than his second term?

Bob Dole. Next best thing.

Bill Frist. Nextest best thing.

Jeb Bush. Ups Bush streak to seven of last eight GOP tickets.

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Joe Lieberman. Invests campaign with bipartisan spin. Also returns phrase "Joementum" to national dialogue.

Kay Bailey Hutchison. Takes "woman" thing out of play.

Cindy McCain. Takes "woman" thing out of play, and keeps it in the family.

Colin Powell. Takes "black" thing out of play.

Condoleezza Rice. Takes "woman," "black," and "Romulan" things out of play.

Andy Rooney. Really takes "old" thing out of play. No, really.

Monica Lewinsky. Puts "other woman" thing into play.

Shirley MacLaine. Just for the bumper sticker: McCain/MacLaine.

Bruce Willis. True Hollywood conservative renowned for role as Officer John McClane. See Shirley MacLaine.

Alan Greenspan. Wasn't everything a whole lot better when he was in charge?

Mary Cheney. Takes "lesbian" and "unwed mother" things out of play.

Dick Cheney. What the hell. Something to be said for continuity.

Fred Thompson. Throws a bone to the conservative wing and makes candidate appear vibrant.

Regis Philbin. A touch of Hollywood. Old Hollywood.

Mike Huckabee. Plays popular former governor of Arkansas card.

Rudy Giuliani. An olive branch to huge pro-choice, pro-gay rights, pro-gun control wing of the GOP.

Hillary Clinton. Wants it so bad, she'd cross the aisle for death-watch slot.

Michael Bloomberg. Independents? You want independents? We got your independents right here.

Mia Hamm. You want soccer moms? We got your soccer moms right here.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. You want NASCAR dads?

Ron Paul. Two words. Texas Dammit.

Ross Perot. Like Ron Paul, only more so.

Tom Cruise. Scientology is to Republican what vegan is to hippie.

Chuck Norris. Locks down Huckabee contingent and firms up "Total Kick Ass" Presidential ticket.

Katie Couric. Allows her to leave anchor position on CBS Evening News gracefully.

Pat Robertson. You want to suck up to the Christian Right. Then suck up to the Christian Right.

Mitt Romney. Just to exploit the...