From career to maternity: a feminist reconsiders the mommy track.

• Author: Rose, Julie
• Position: Felice M. Schwartz

Every May in my town of Northampton, Massachusetts, Smith College springs another 700 young women loose into .the world. It is something to see, these women charging out of one of America's few remaining all-female colleges, intent on professional careers, expecting that whatever lifestyle they want will be theirs. As I watch them, from the vantage of my 41 years, I fmd myself thinking, . yes, they can. Until, that is, they step across the great divide and choose to have children.

Sometimes I think I'd like to tell these women about my own crossing, eight years ago--about how, along the path of motherhood, I shed my career and my working self like a snake molting its skin. And about how, at the mid-point of my life, ! realize that I have lost a part of myself. Do not misunderstand me; my feeling is not one of sorrow, but of recognition. Like millions of women, I have learned a truth that might daunt even the most energetic Smithie: For women who seek both career and motherhood, something usually has to give. In my case, it was career.

For three years after my daughter was born, I worked full time for the Texas legislature as a budget policy analyst. My schedule varied with the pace of the legislature, from unpressured to frenetic. I worked until 10 days after my due date, when I went into labor. Two and a half months after my daughter was born, I went back to work with great relief.

I was overjoyed to return to my familiar ofrice, to relax in a way I couldn't at home. Although I adored my child, the days of her infancy were the most tedious and demanding of my life. Still, back at the office, my mind left work almost as often as I did to nurse the baby.

As my daughter grew older, I felt even more keenly the conflict between work and home. I wanted to be in both places at once, and began to feel I wasn't doing either job very well. During the peak of the legislative session, my husband brought my daughter to the Capitol during a dinner break so I could see her before I returned for yet another all-night session. In two days, I spent a mere 30 minutes with my one-and-a-halfyear-old.

My tribulations in Texas were not unique; they are suffered by millions of families. The next step I took is equally common: I quit working full time as soon as the opportunity arose. When my husband got a job offer in Massachusetts, I agreed that he should take it, knowing full well that I was leaving a job I enjoyed, and that I would not make a full-time...