Making marriage work.

• Position: Psychology

Valentine's Day is this month and, everywhere you look, commercials, magazines, store displays, etc. are focused on helping couples plan the "perfect" Feb. 14 celebration. Yes, if you are in a relationship, it is important and enjoyable to celebrate your love on this special day.

However, Todd Patkin, author of Finding Happiness: One Man's Quest to Beat Depression and Anxiety and--Finally--Let the Sunshine In, has some advice for married couples especially: romance, roses, chocolates, and champagne only are a small part of what makes up a marriage; it is the 364 days that surround Feb. 14 that can make or break the quality of your relationship.

So, if you really want to give your spouse the most meaningful Valentine's gift of all, commit to putting daily thought--and work--into your relationship. "I believe that many marriages simply deteriorate because couples allow themselves to run on 'autopilo,' but still expect things to stay healthy and exciting, especially around holidays like Valentine's Day," explains Patkin. 'The truth is, like everything else in life, it doesn't work that way."

Patkin asserts that a happy marriage is the comerstone of a happy life. "I know from experience that, if you get it right here, it's easier to get it right in all of the other aspects of your life. When you let your marriage just 'sit: it'll eventually get rusty and break down, just like your car would. We all should have been told growing up that you do have to work on your marriage if you want it to stay exciting and great." Patkin recommends that couples should:

Recommit every day. "Don't let your enthusiasm for working on your relationship be short-lived. In order to give your marriage regular tuneups, start by remembering what you said you'd do when you made your vows--love, honor, cherish, comfort, and remain faithful, and do these things in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, every day of your marriage."

Evaluate where your self-worth comes from. "I understand all about being proud of your career accomplishments and of other things in your life, but the happiest couples draw a lot of their self-worth from their relationship with each other. Are you consistently relying on something other than your marriage, like your job, to make you feel good about yourself?"

Verbalize to your spouse the things you love and appreciate about him or her all of the time. The things you think about and talk about influence how you experience the world around...