Make kids partners in good behavior.

What father hasn't raised his voice at an out-of-control four-year-old? What mother hasn't grabbed a youngster by the shoulders to keep him or her from running into the street? Most parents at some point correctly use what George Scarlett, assistant professor of child development, Tufts University, Boston, calls control or prevention tactics to address a behavior problem.

Yet, in a 10-year study of how successful preschool teachers do their jobs, Scarlett found that behavioral difficulties are solved best when kids are allowed to be partners in learning good behavior. Addressing behavior issues is not simply about controlling children; it is about supporting their development, he points out.

"Behavior problems aren't necessarily negative. They [afford] opportunities for growth and learning--provided that adults respond to them in the right way" The correct method, he suggests, is to stimulate in children their own beginning abilities to problem-solve about ways to become a partner.

For example, Scarlett observed a group of three-year-olds happily making sand castles when the teacher announced it was cleanup time. The kids whined and refused to dean up and put the cover on the sand table they were using. Instead of reprimanding them, the teacher asked what the problem was. They said if they put the lid back on the table, their sand castles would get...