Lowest rate: guaranteed.

• Author: Wachtel, George
• Position: Letter Doctor - Chase Bank International

How do the big banks do in their efforts to promote larger mortgage loans? Here is an example from Chase Bank that has some good and some improvable points.

(1) The outer envelope. The offer came in an upscale, over-sized 9"x12" window envelope, with "teaser copy" copy on the outside and a live stamp (even though mailed bulk rate). Given the upscale nature of the piece, they could have done without the teaser copy and still gotten their nice envelope opened and read.

(2) Signer. They do a nice job of personalizing the message by having the personalized corner card of the outer envelope and the letterhead, telling the reader it is from a "real and high-level person" at the bank.

(3) Competing key points. A good direct marketing technique is to use the margin to highlight key consumer benefits; but here they compete directly with the key bullet points in the body of the letter. Given their attempt to make this piece as upscale and "nonsales looking" as possible, better to have dropped the margin items and combined with the bullet points.

(4) Name Personalization. They do well in cleaning up the address block and developing a clean salutation (the bar coding is a necessary evil of the cost-saving postage).

(5) Opening Paragraph. Here Chase falls down a bit. The opening paragraph is too wordy. It would have been better to succinctly speak to the 50 percent potential savings and the introduction of their "special program" for "valued customers in need of larger loans."

(6) Key Benefits. If they were to redo the bullets...