Living in a Cartoon.

• Author: Durst, Will
• Position: Presidential election 2000 - Brief Article

It is my job, my duty, and may I say my pleasure to come up with this humble list of winners and losers in the Florida media slam overdose spinfest.

Winners:

Katherine Harris: Does the term Mrs. Ambassador have any meaning?

Castro: Proved he possesses a sense of humor by offering to fly over Cuban election officials to oversee recount.

Supreme Court: Used to be that the President appointed the Justices. Now it's the other way around.

Bill Clinton: "Well, the American people have spoken; we just don't know what they said yet." Verbatim.

Pat Buchanan: "These are not my people." Verbatim.

Ralph Nader: "What are you talking about? Al Gore kept me from becoming President." Verbatim.

Losers:

Jeb Bush: Barbara's undying affection or reelection? Got to go with Mom.

New Mexico: "Hey, we're close, too. We've only got a nine-vote difference here. Hello? We're over here in the corner. Is anybody listening? We have turquoise."

George H.W. Bush: Tainted. Try as he would to stay above the fray, the guy is the former head of the CIA. Rigging elections was his job. That's what he did. It's on his resume.

NBC's West Wing: Will be hard-pressed to devise fictional scenarios to rival reality.

Here's a list of predictions for the first year of the third millennium: California's Governor Gray Davis will not rest until he gets a colorful nickname like "Slappy."

President Bush pledges to outline a plan to fix the Social Security problem once and for all. Unfortunately, it involves raising the retirement age to ninety.

George W. further attests he will bow to Dad's pressure by having the hole in his butt enlarged to accommodate Dick Cheney's hand.

Every California politician vows to keep his or her involvement in the energy deregulation bill of 1996 quiet.

The banking industry promises to terminate its merging frenzy when the public has two whole banks to choose from.

Donald Rumsfeld affirms he will avoid at all costs uttering the phrase, "The way Gerry and I used to do it."

We all know comfort food when we see it. Macaroni and cheese. Cinnamon raisin toast. Tuna casserole surprise with crushed potato chip...