My List of Things to Do.

• Author: Carter, John Randolph
• Position: Poem

1. Milk the dog. 2. Turn in your neighbor for a reward. 3. Be culpable. 4. Wreak havoc with the Bureau of Animal Control. 5. Relax so much that you stick to your clothes. 6. Fool around with straws. 7. Buy yourself some more time with the money you save being early. 8. Try to sell your regrets at the local flea market. 9. Borrow money from your friends and buy yourself a beanbag the size of Australia. 10. Sit up straight whenever a lady enters the room and removes her clothes. 11. Call someone you haven't seen for years and tell them you haven't missed them. 12. Make believe you're a monster of your own making, then slay yourself. 13. Simplify your life. Remove all the paper and pens from your house and unplug all the appliances. 14. Buy two dogs who are willing to eat each other so as to demonstrate to your friends one of life's simple truths. 15. Do something to undermine the confidence of people you don't know. 16. Fret, then forget to fret, then regret fretting. 17. Be all that you can be and all that anyone else can be. 18. Live life to the fullest. Pull up all the weeds in your front yard and plant them in your backyard. 19. Ease off the mushrooms. 20. Eat ice cream like there's no tomorrow, then tomorrow, stop and...