Like my new app.

• Author: Clinton, Kate
• Position: Unplugged - Developing mobile applications

Sometimes I look at all the Apple products in our house--iPads, iPods, minis, iBooks, laptops, desktops, tangled balls of cords--and I have iGuilt. How many Chinese youth have I plunged into despair just so I could play Wards with Friends? All the crapple is an eyesore.

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Despite my Appleshame, I have a passion for my late-in-life hobby: developing apps. Since high-tech is not really my specialty, I mostly daydream with my head in the cloud.

But I have managed to develop a few. My first app was called "Really?" and it tells you where you were last night.

Another app is called "Like Wow." You download it, clip your phone to your belt, and every time you misuse the word "like," it emits a small electric shock. If, like, you use "like" to indicate a comparison it's like OK, but if you like use "like" as a refreshing nanolike pause in a sentence, you will, like, experience a jolt. If you fear electrocution and yet want to improve your elocution, you can program your app to charge an overusage fee. Wait, wait. There's more! Your fees can automatically be donated to the nonprofit organization you have earmarked.

In one of my early test models, my own appalling overuse--nineteen likes in a sixty-second period--shocked me so much my hair stuck straight out from my head. Unsightly. I reprogrammed, and instead of jolts, my considerable overages were automatically monetized and sent via PayPal directly to GLSEN, the Gay Lesbian & Straight Education Network. They have been able to buy three Apple desktops for the office.

The latest app I have been developing out in the work shed of my mind is quite a stretch, even for me. It's very technical. I have been deep-data mining, massaging data, unsiloing, seeding...