Like Mother, Like Daughter? "... Give yourself permission to be yourself, independently from your mother--or anyone else for that matter."(PSYCHOLOGY)

• Author: Steindorf, Leeza Carlone
• Position: PSYCHOLOGY

ON THE BIG SCREEN, "Mama Mia! Here We Go Again" sings it out loud and clear: "Oh yes, I'm sure my life was well within its usual frame the day before you came." Every mother could sing this refrain about life before children. Moreover, the movie showcases the ideals and patterns that daughters acquire from their mothers, sometimes following in their footsteps, other times veering as far away from them as possible. All that song and dance reminds us of the choices we get to make thanks to, and often despite, the ones our mothers made.

In the spotlight of today's energized women's movement, what once was a bland subject has become a highly intriguing matter of discussion. It is the complex dynamic of you and your mom or, as a blog title once noted, "If it's not one thing, it's your mother."

As young girls, we often parade around in mom's high heels and pearls hoping to be like her one day. As teens, we fiercely seek to disassociate ourselves from the woman who seems to be making a spectacle of herself at a school event. Later, as partners or even mothers ourselves, we swear we never will be like her. Do the similarities between you two lie outside of your control, or can you choose and change them? Is it possible to keep the traits you love and transform those you do not?

The mother-child relationship not only is the first and most-existential relationship we have as humans, it often is rich in conflict. Being grateful for all that she has given you in life (guidance, support, and love) or releasing resentment if she has not, goes a long way toward your own emotional health. Distinguishing yourself from her, doing the inner work around this relationship, is vital.

Studies indicate that mothers and daughters are more connected emotionally than other parent-offspring combinations due to the neuroanatomical wiring of their brains. Whatever the quality or intensity of the relationship you have with your mom, that connection influences you powerfully, from birth to death and in every life phase in between. So, how can you navigate such a strong current that at times carries you swiftly along and at others feels like it will drown you?

As kids, we obviously do not have a choice about the daily training we get for the first decade or so of our lives. We do not ask to please assimilate our parents' beliefs, behaviors, and body images like parched ground soaks up a drenching rain. We just do, whether we like it or not.

The point here is not to engage in the dis-empowering act of...