Learning to Give the Present of Being Present

• Pages: 32-33
• Date: 01 July 2022
• Author: Joseph P. Beckman
• Subject Matter: Civil Law

MENTAL HEALTH & WELLNESS

By Joseph P. Beckman, Liti gation News Asso ciate Editor

Learning to Give the Present of

Being Present

here was a magnet on the side of our refrigera-

tor in the house where my two (very active, and

sometimes daredevil, but they came by that honestly)

sons came of age. It read, “Raising Children Is Like

Being Pecked to Death by Chickens.”

It always got a laugh, but after 18 years of doing just that,

their mom and I were no longer the close couple we were 25

years earlier. We went our separate ways amicably, each tak-

ing time and space to hit the reset button and heal.

We had lunch recently, which we do on occasion, although

less often than in the years before each settled into a new rela-

tionship with a new partner. I began lunch, as is my custom

the past ve years or so in one-on-one situations, by putting

my phone conspicuously face down on the table.

The technology has changed, of course, and it is a far cry

from the heavy “ultra-portable” Nokia 101 phones we pur-

chased in the early 1990s. At the time, my wife was a busy

realtor, and I just liked new technology. I found a 2-for-1 deal,

gaining in the transaction the ability to call from the car and

say, “I’ll be 10 minutes late!”

She asked why I ipped my phone. I told her it was some-

thing I picked up when I started dating again, as the number

of women who seemed to check their phones during a meal

felt startling. She, good naturedly, suggested it may have some-

thing to do with how disappointing a date I may have become

in my dotage. That, however, led to a deeper conversation.

As our sons were reaching school age, cell phones were

becoming ubiquitous. Both of us were regularly on the phone

in the car. Often, the last parent home would be on the phone

as he or she entered the back door.

The drill—for both of us—was the same. A wave hello.

A roll of the eyes or hand gesture to indicate our client was

“chatty.” The talker then pointed upstairs to signal the conver-

sation would complete while the “last home” spouse changed

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32 | LITIGATION SECTI ON

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