Lawyer Loneliness

• Author: Jeena Cho
• Pages: 28-29

Lawyer Loneliness

Facing and fi ghting the ‘No. 1 public health issue’

By Jeena Cho

It can be lonely being a lawyer. We often spend long

hours working in isolation. Even in law school, with

almost 200 other students around me, I felt t he sense

of loneliness keenly. I saw my fellow classmates as

competition. We were pitted against ea ch other and

graded on a curve , meaning my classmates’ success

directly a ected my own.

Shasta Nelson, the author of Frie ntimacy: How to

Deepen Frien dships for Lifelong Health and Happiness,

says loneliness is the No. 1 public health issue. Resea rch

shows that our relationships have more impact on our

health th an any other factor—inc luding

diet, exercise or even smoking. Nelson says,

“The lonelier we are, the more wear and

tear our bodies ex perience as a result of any

stress in our lives.” Former U.S. Surgeon

General Vivek Murthy is a lso sounding

the alar m on the loneliness epidemic.

CONTRIBUTING FACTORS

Nurturing relationships requires inten-

tionality. Carv ing out time and fostering

genuine human c onnection takes e  ort .

Many lawyers str uggle with lack of control

over time, which makes it more chal lenging

to nurtu re connections wit h loved ones.

Rachel Lynn Foley, a solo bankruptcy

practit ioner in Independence, Missou ri,

experienced loneliness bec ause as a solo

she does not have the opportunity to s trat-

egize or share ideas w ith other lawyers.

“You may have strategy sessions wit h

other solos,” she says, “but oftentimes we

guard ou r thoughts and our quest ions

because business is cut throat and you

do not wish to expose your self or reveal

you do not know as much as you think

others think you should know.” Foley also

says she thinks there’s less wi lling-

ness among experienced law yers

to mentor younger one s.

Wayne Silver, a bankruptcy

lawyer in Mountain View,

California , says, “You

have to keep client

secrets from ever y-

one else forever—

and often

a b o u t s t u 

that is intel-

lectual ly

and emotional ly challenging.”

Rachel Fry, a clinica l psychologist from Birmingham,

Alabama, who f requently works with lawyers, says the

intense workload and inabilit y to mesh work with life

can create loneliness a nd isolation issues for lawyers.

Chelsea Brown, a recent gr aduate of Emory University

School of Law, is an “aspiring public defense attorney,

hoping to work in the Atlanta area .” Looking back on

her law student experiences, she says, “ There is little

to no collaboration allowed in law school. A nd as a

result, alrea dy independent by nature, students isolated

themselves even more.” Brown also says

she believed she was the only person in the

entire class who was lost or c onfused. She

thought that “if I belonged in law school

that I wouldn’t feel this way.”

“As a black student, I continued to feel on

the outs with my white collea gues, and that

particula r feeling of loneliness persisted

beyond my fi rst year,” Brown adds. The

sense that you do not belong is a major con-

tributor to feeling loneliness and i solation.

ACTING AGAINST ISOLATION

There’s no easy solution for breaking the

cycle of isolation and loneliness. It’s di c ult

to reach out and connect with s omeone

when you’re feeling lonely.

Mark Perlmutter, a lawyer turned thera-

pist in San Francisco, say s the fi rst st ep

toward breaki ng the loneliness is to name

the problem. The next step is to ext end

ourselves—that is, make an e  ort to

reach out to people with whom we

might want to be friends. Perlmutter

emphasizes that these st eps can be

di cu lt, but adds: “There is nothing

more powerful to combat loneliness

than the knowledge that we a re not alone

in our lonelines s.”

Lawyers can m ake it a priority to con-

nect with other people and fi nd activities

that help break up the day. Fry explains:

“If you don’t train yourself to integrat e

bu ers during times of low stress, the

crisis periods w ill become much harder

to manage.”

Examples of small ac tivities that can

be implemented fairly easily include

taking a wal k around the block, meet-

ing a friend for lunch, walki ng to the

On

Well-

Being

PHOTOGRAPH COURTESY OF THE JC LAW GROUP

Practice

“MAKE IT A PRIORITY

TO CONNECT WITH

OTHER PEOPLE AND

FIND ACTIVITIES THAT

HELP BREAK UP

TH E DAY .”

— JEENA CHO

28 || ABA JOURNAL JULY 2018