KFC sprays fire hydrants.

• Author: Hightower, Jim
• Position: Vox Populist

Fire hydrants deserve more respect. They are utilitarian and ubiquitous icons of America's urban landscape, yet they're rarely noticed by anyone but dogs who give them no respect whatsoever. Now, though, a brand-name corporation has noticed that these pieces of our public infrastructure are everywhere, and, like a dog, it wants to lift its leg on them.

KFC is in search of fire hydrants it can use to "mark its territory." In particular, the corporation wants to spray hydrants in various cities with its logo.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Welcome to the latest reach by commercial hucksters to cover every square inch of America the Beautiful with ads.

Indianapolis is the first city to allow KFC to whiz on its hydrants. The company has plastered the city's stumpy water taps with the KFC logo, plus a smiling photo of corporate founder Colonel Sanders, and a slogan promoting the chain's new "fiery" grilled chicken wings.

Get it? "Fiery" and fire hydrant. It's symbolism, see? Advert-types are nothing if not clever.

But there's another symbolic connection that the clever ad concocters hope the public doesn't make. As noted in a comment on a blog called FirefighterNation.com, "The biggest killer of firefighters today is heart disease and heart attacks. Great idea to advertise fast food on fire equipment.

Picky-picky, say KFC honchos, who are certain that this promotion will be a big plus for them. Indeed, they insist that the company's graffiti is not just another act of crass commercialism, nor an unseemly usurpation of public property, but--get this--a philanthropic contribution to the community! Corporate executives assured the Indianapolis mayor and other officials that the company is so concerned about fire safety in the city during these days of budget stress that they decided to step up as fine corporate citizens and do their part.

Pay more taxes, perhaps? Get out of here!

Rather, KFC magnanimously offered to "contribute" some money to help pay for new fire hydrants. In exchange, the grateful city officials would need to do nothing--just allow the corporation to use the hydrants as its own little billboards around town. Helping communities is our goal, explains a KFC vice president. In turn, he adds, the gesture will "help us in terms of creating goodwill with consumers."

Really...