Karyn's Bookshelf.

Author:Saemann, Karyn L.
Position:'How To Apologize To Your Woman ... So That She Won't Use It Against You In The Future' and 'Cars Galore' - Book review
 
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How To Apologize To Your Woman ... So That She Won't Use It Against You In The Future

Karen Field Bolek

Bolekian Perspective Publishing

P.O. Box 2262, Oak Park, IL 60303

9780983364603, $16.95

Ostensibly an "I'm sorry" primer for men, first-time author Karen Field Bolek's guide to apologizing, in fact, offers a rich well of ideas for general couples' communication, applicable not just in conflict. Although written with men in mind, and focused on male-female relationships, women, single and gay readers are also likely to find valuable nuggets here. Steeped in the language of the business world that many men are already familiar with, Field Bolek says being an effective apologizer requires that you first be a positive, effective leader. To hit his intended apology mark, Field Bolek says a man needs to first lead his partner through a delicate process that relies on good leadership skills like listening; shifting the focus onto her; understanding her unique perspective/world view; getting her to talk about what necessitated the apology and any underlying issues; taking responsibility (or not) for the conflict; and crafting a plan to make short and long-term changes. The lessons, broken into nine chapters, are carefully plotted out with a lot of effort put into making them informative and readable. Field Bolek conducted her own survey research and developed a triangular model that shows how a conversation's focus continually shifts, for good or bad, intentionally or not, between two people and purely objective observations. She then shows how shifts in focus can make or break an apology. Among the best things Field Bolek does is limit her practical examples to a handful of scenarios (such as forgetting a wedding anniversary), building on those over successive chapters so that lessons and new skills are...

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