It's not fair!(Psychology)

• Author: Hardy, Kathy

IT'S NOT FAIR! If you have more than one child, you are guaranteed to hear that phrase several times a week, if not every day. I have eight kids and, if that fact alone does not guarantee the unfair accusation coming my way, the fact that three of my children have serious, chronic illnesses (cystic fibrosis, diabetes, asthma, arthritis, and scoliosis) most certainly will.

There is no way to know the exact number of parents around the world who, like me, are raising healthy kids alongside those with health challenges but, no doubt, it is in the hundreds of thousands. From cancer to birth injuries, meningitis to mental illness, diabetes to Down Syndrome, celiac to sickle cell, auto accidents to autism, and everything in between, parents on every continent are trying to balance the needs of well children and sick offspring while preserving their own sanity. One thing is certain for all of these parents: they frequently will hear the words "It's not fair!" from each of their kids, sick or healthy.

My children's main illness, cystic fibrosis, is a life-shortening, progressive disease that manifests itself mostly in the lungs and digestive system. They have several hospitalizations per year and endure hours of respiratory treatments each day while at home. This cuts into fun time with friends as well as school and extracurricular activities.

Children with serious illnesses or conditions like this also may struggle with the fact that some of their symptoms make them feel or look less normal than other kids--and normal is what every kid wants to be. They do not want to be singled out as different; sit in a wheelchair; have others staring at their scars, missing limbs, or other disfigurements; or be seen taking all kinds of medicines or being in a classroom connected to medical devices like feeding tubes, IV poles, or oxygen tanks. However, those are all-too-common scenarios with any major illness.

At home, it is a somewhat different story. Suddenly, sick and well kids are in competition for parental attention and sympathy. If you have more than one sick child, this competition becomes magnified. My healthy kids in particular struggle to understand why a different set of rules apply to their sick brothers and sisters. To them, it is just plain unfair that my CF kids get to eat more (they have to) or get new toys while in the hospital (to keep them occupied when I cannot be there with them) or seem to get out of doing chores because they are not...