“It kinda breaks my heart”: LGBTQ young adults' responses to family rejection

• Published date: 01 July 2022
• Author: Jonah P. DeChants,Jama Shelton,Yolanda (Yoli) Anyon,Kimberly Bender
• Date: 01 July 2022
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/fare.12638

RESEARCH

“It kinda breaks my heart”: LGBTQ young adults’

responses to family rejection

Jonah P. DeChants

1

| Jama Shelton

2

| Yolanda (Yoli) Anyon

3

|

Kimberly Bender

3

1

School of Social Work, Colorado State

University, Fort Collins, Colorado,

United States

2

Silberman School of Social Work, Hunter

College CUNY, New York, New York,

United States

3

Graduate School of Social Work, University

of Denver, Denver, Colorado, United States

Correspondence:

Jonah P. DeChants, School of Social Work,

Colorado State University, 450 W. Pitkin

Street, Fort Collins, CO 80523-1019, USA,

Email: jonah.dechants@gmail.com

Abstract

Objective: This study examines the realities of LGBTQ

young adults experiencing family rejection, specifically

illuminating forms of heterosexist and cisgenderist family

rejection and their impact on LGBTQ young adults.

Background: Extant research indicates family rejection

is a driving factor in the overrepresentation of LGBTQ

young adults among young adults experiencing

homelessness.

Method: This study analyzed two waves of interviews with

15 LGBTQ young adults. It addressed two research ques-

tions: (a) What kinds of heterosexist and cisgenderist rejec-

tion do LGBTQ young adults experience from their

parents or guardians? and (b) How do LGBTQ young

adults react to and experience that rejection?

Results: Participants reported multiple forms of heterosex-

ist and cisgenderist rejection from their families, including

increased heterosexism and cisgenderism in the home after

coming out, increased arguments and conflict after coming

out, abuse and neglect, silence and avoidance, control and

isolation, and revoking young people’s access to housing.

Participants’responses to these forms of rejection included

pain, disconnection from their families, feeling stifled in

the home, and the desire to resist.

Conclusion: These findings illuminate specific forms and

manifestations of heterosexist and cisgenderist family

rejection and their impact on LGBTQ young adults.

Implications: Implications for research include further

exploration of how family rejection manifests in the fami-

lies of LGBTQ young adults. Implications for clinical

practice include developing tailored outreach and services

for young adults experiencing family rejection and housing

instability.

Received: 15 April 2020 Revised: 27 August 2021 Accepted: 26 September 2021

DOI: 10.1111/fare.12638

© 2022 National Council on Family Relations.

968 Family Relations. 2022;71:968–986.wileyonlinelibrary.com/journal/fare

LGBTQ young adults are overrepresented among young adults experiencing homelessness

(Durso & Gates, 2012; Choi et al., 2015; Whitbeck et al., 2015). Prior research suggests that

family rejection of young adults’LGBTQ identities may be a driving factor of this overrepre-

sentation (Choi et al., 2015). Families who struggle to accept their child’s gender identity or sex-

ual orientation may express their rejection in a number of ways, including revoking a young

person’s access to housing or material support (Castellanos, 2016). There is a robust body of lit-

erature on the connection between family rejection and several troubling outcomes for LGBTQ

youth and young adults, including housing instability and risk of mental health challenges

(D’Amico & Julien, 2012; Mustanski et al., 2011; Needham & Austin, 2010; Ryan et al., 2010).

Yet minimal scholarly work examines the ways in which family rejection manifests within the

home and the emotional impact that it has on LGBTQ young adults. The current study aimed

to uncover the forms of heterosexist (Smith et al., 2012) and cisgenderist (Ansara &

Hegarty, 2011) rejection that young adults experience from their families and young adults’

reactions to that rejection.

THEORETICAL FRAMEWORKS

In this study, we used the concepts of heterosexism and cisgenderism to guide inquiry and anal-

ysis. These concepts emerged from the larger bodies of feminist and queer theory, which both

seek to understand how power is distributed along hierarchies based on gender and sexuality

(Ryan, 2004; hooks, 2000). These concepts also align with the feminist framework of inter-

sectionality, developed by Kimberlé Crenshaw (1991) to describe the effects of multiple forms

of oppression on women of color. Although this study primarily focused on participants’experi-

ences of heterosexism or cisgenderism, many participants also experienced other forms of

intersectional oppressions such as racism, classism, or ableism. Heterosexism and cisgenderism

are forms of systematic marginalization that impact LGBTQ people due to societal bias and

discrimination against their LGBTQ identities. Marginalization refers to the process by which

oppressed groups and individuals are pushed to the margins of a society, excluded from both

the labor market and “useful participation in social life”(Young, 2000, p. 41). Heterosexism is

defined as an ideology that both denigrates nonheterosexual sexualities and privileges

heterosexuality over homosexuality (Smith et al., 2012).

Although antihomosexual bias has traditionally and primarily been described as homo-

phobia, heterosexism has emerged as a term that describes antihomosexual bias at all socie-

tal and cultural levels. It emphasizes all the overt and covert ways that heterosexuality is

normalized and centered within society (Smith et al., 2012). Similarly, cisgenderism is an

ideology that “invalidates or pathologises self-designated genders that contrast with external

designations”(Ansara & Hegarty, 2011, p. 1). Antitransgender bias has commonly been

referred to as transphobia. However, similar to how homophobia means a fear of homosexu-

ality, transphobia describes a fear of transgender identities. While this fear certainly exists

and contributes to antitransgender bias, it only describes this bias on the individual, inter-

personal level. Cisgenderism describes how antitransgender bias operates on all societal

and cultural levels, from the interpersonal to the legislative (Ansara & Hegarty, 2011). Simi-

lar to racism or sexism, heterosexism and cisgenderism can be used to describe a wide

range of oppressive actions, policies, or beliefs (Bettcher, 2014). Heteronormativity and

cisnormativity, like transphobia and homophobia, are language that is sometimes used to

describe elements of heterosexism and cisgenderism. Heteronormativity and cisnormativity

described the many subtle and direct ways that heterosexuality or a cisgender identity are

considered to be the norm (Ansara & Hegarty, 2014;Warner,1991). This study uses the

broader concepts of heterosexism and cisgenderism to include and examine all the ways that

LGBTQ young adults are impacted by family rejection of their identities.

LGBTQ YOUNG ADULTS AND FAMILY REJECTION 969