Innocent of what?

• Author: Jordan, June
• Position: O.J. Simpson satire - Column

The night of the two "brutal murders" (what do they mean by "brutal"? Is there some other kind?), I drove my Rolls-Royce to McDonald's and, just like that, I got something to eat. I have a witness! He rode with me, this (white) guy who lives in my guest house on my $2 million property in Los Angeles. Driving the Rolls for two Big Macs, a double order of fries, and a large strawberry shake--all for myself--well! The way I see it, I already won my case.

Like I said, many times, I never wanted anybody to see me as a black man. I wanted to be different, to be more than that: a bona-fide mega-rich and famous star.

Didn't I run 2,003 yards on a football field in 1973? Okay, that was a while ago. Okay, I never particularly tried to protect somebody weaker than me. And I never took on people very much bigger or more powerful than me. But, so what? Folks call me a hero because of the way I ran with the ball. They called me a hero and I was having a pretty good time.

Okay, back in 1968, my first wife--she was black--she is black--she told some magazine, I think it was Look magazine, that I was "a beast" and "pretty horrible." But that was her slant on things.

I was having a pretty good time. As a matter of fact, she was pregnant with our third child when I saw this eighteen-year-old-fresh-outta-high-school-like-to-blow-me-away. She was so beautiful! So there was my first (black) wife pregnant with our third child and then I meet this girl and she's white and blond and perfect and everything and I went crazy for her and I was this big-time hero and so I started seeing her (the white girl) and ended up making her my second wife. I was having a pretty good time.

And that girl, well, she was my wife for more than fifteen years, you know, and she'd always bring me breakfast in bed--every damn day!--and she never did stop looking good to me. And that's kind of a long marriage as these things go. But, then, you watch those black women out here going off about the white girl was my "problem"--my "downfall," you know, and I'm supposed to be this "Brother" victimized by yellow hair and blue eyes. Can you believe it? I was having a pretty good time.

As a matter of fact, in the two years since my second wife and I got divorced, I've been "victimized," again, by another real beautiful, young white woman I've been dating steadily. I am having a pretty good time!

In the newspapers today, they said, "The O.J. of Old Returns: Confident in Court. He smiles and gives...