In the same storm but not the same boat: Intimate relationship changes across the pandemic

• Published date: 01 October 2024
• Author: CJ Eubanks Fleming,Abbey Rose,Kerry Barba,Marli Siciliano
• Date: 01 October 2024
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/fare.13034

RESEARCH

In the same storm but not the same boat: Intimate

relationship changes across the pandemic

CJ Eubanks Fleming | Abbey Rose | Kerry Barba | Marli Siciliano

Department of Psychology, Elon University,

Elon, NC

Correspondence

CJ Eubanks Fleming, PhD, CB 2337 Elon

University, Elon, NC 27244, USA.

Email: cfleming6@elon.edu

Abstract

Objective: The current study asked U.S.-based participants

to describe how the pandemic had changed their relation-

ship with their intimate partner during the initial lockdown

in March–May 2020, and then again in February–

March 2021.

Background: The COVID-19 pandemic has been a major

stressor for couples and families.

Method: The study includes 592 partnered individuals

drawn from a larger study evaluating the effects of the

COVID-19 pandemic on life at home. Participants were

84.5% women, and 89.8% were White. Responses were

coded by a four-person team using a pragmatic coding

approach with good reliability.

Results: Codes were grouped together into five categories:

stated emotion words, positive changes, negative changes,

changes described with mixed emotional descriptors by

different participants, and changes in parenting (that did

not always have a specific valence). At Time 1, 52% of

respondents noted positive changes and 60% of respon-

dents described negative changes. At Time 3, 68% indi-

cated positive changes and 65% indicated negative

changes.

Conclusion: Findings suggest great variability in experi-

ences that couples and families have had over the past few

years.

Implications: This combination of open-ended inquiry and

longitudinal study offers a unique perspective on the

effects of the pandemic on family life.

KEYWORDS

couples, COVID-19, intimate relationships, pandemic, qualitative

Received: 22 May 2023 Revised: 9 January 2024 Accepted: 16 March 2024

DOI: 10.1111/fare.13034

This is an open access article under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs License, which permits

use and distribution in any medium, provided the original work is properly cited, the use is non-commercial and no modifications or

adaptations are made.

© 2024 The Authors. Family Relations published by Wiley Periodicals LLC on behalf of National Council on Family Relations.

Family Relations. 2024;73:2261–2277. wileyonlinelibrary.com/journal/fare 2261

The COVID-19 pandemic brought with it a multitude of stressors that have affected psycholog-

ical functioning and mental health across the globe (World Health Organization, 2022). Of par-

ticular interest has been the experience of couples and families who quickly went from

attending work and school outside of the home to being quarantined together and having to

manage the many demands of shared homelife while still working and attending school online

(Lee et al., 2022; Waite & Cresswell, 2020). Even after the initial “lockdown”period that

occurred in March–May 2020, many were still working from home and managing lengthy quar-

antine periods over a year later (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2021), and many

continued to struggle with the myriad of concerns that were conjoint with the pandemic such as

health stress, financial and employment stress, and individual mental health concerns

(e.g., Pietromonaco & Overall, 2021). Given these ongoing stresses in family life, it is essential

to better understand the continuing impact of the pandemic on family life.

Much of the existing research on couple and family functioning in the pandemic thus far

has suggested that the experience has primarily been challenging and led to many negative out-

comes. In couples, research has shown that pandemic-related conflict was related to decreased

physical intimacy, increased fighting and disagreement, and strain around division of labor

(Lee et al., 2022; Luetke et al., 2020; Petts et al., 2021). In parents, research has found that pres-

ence of children at home during the pandemic was uniquely predictive of relationship distress

(Günther-Bel et al., 2020), given the strain of managing work and child care, homeschool, and

children’s well-being (Deacon et al., 2021; Waite & Cresswell, 2020). Overall, there is strong evi-

dence that relationship quality is decreased, rates of violence are increased, and that individual

mental health for partners and parents is harmed by the contextual factors present in this pan-

demic (Lee et al., 2022; McMillan et al., 2021).

However, not all of the research has suggested such negative outcomes. Findings regarding

couple satisfaction in quantitative studies have been mixed, with some finding increased satis-

faction, others finding decreased satisfaction, and still more finding no major change (see

Candel & Jitaru, 2021; Galdiolo et al., 2022). One mixed-methods study found decreased rela-

tionship satisfaction for parents but no change in satisfaction for couples without children, and

also found that although participants reported many negatives of the pandemic, they actually

described more positive outcomes and changes (Günther-Bel et al., 2020). Looking for explana-

tions, some have pointed to research that says that more time together with partners can lead to

stress and boredom, but that it can also be positive for the relationship (Aron et al., 2000;

Claxton & Perry-Jenkins, 2008). Researchers have pointed to many circumstantial factors that

may affect the impact of the types of changes that partner and family relationships have under-

gone as a result of the pandemic (Bodenmann, 2000).

Two theories drawn from the couple and family literature effectively summarize the many

ways in which relationships have been affected by the pandemic in similar ways. Regarding inti-

mate relationships, Pietromonaco and Overall (2021) pointed to Karney and Bradbury’s (1995)

vulnerability-stress-adaptation (VSA) model as a way to understand relationships in the pan-

demic. The VSA model draws on many theoretical perspectives that address couple and family

stress and indicates that there are three main factors that affect relationship outcomes: enduring

vulnerabilities (such as emotion regulation and attachment), external stress (such as job loss or

illness, considered in a sociocultural context), and adaptive dyadic relationship processes (such

as support, warmth, or withdrawal; Karney & Bradbury, 1995; Pietromonaco & Overall, 2021).

This model has clear relevance in the pandemic, which has had an impact on each factor

that affects relationships. The pandemic itself is an external stressor, in that routines were chan-

ged and health risk was high, but the pandemic also led to a number of additional stressors such

as economic strain, job loss, and loss of child care (Pietromonaco & Overall, 2021). In addition

to external stress, the pandemic has also strained individual vulnerabilities and dyadic pro-

cesses, resulting in increased individual mental health concerns as well as increased relationship

conflict (i.e., Fitzpatrick et al., 2020, Günther-Bel et al., 2020). The model focuses on how stress

2262 FAMILY RELATIONS