Impossible dream.

• Author: Hazlett, Thomas W.

Why private matters make bad public policy

Sitting atop the greatest economic engine in history, the citizenry of the U.S. of A. - when not too pooped from R&R at their Cabo timeshares or frenzied by their latest spending spree at the Mall of America - have a foreboding feeling about the course that their society is running. They sense that there are many, many things that are broken, and that they are way too busy to take the task on themselves - at least until the basketball playoffs are over.

In walks Bill Clinton, a sweet-talkin' Mr. Fix-It. The president is a governmental handyman, a statesman with a tool belt, a man who will spend $10 million on a survey to find out what $1 billion program the voters say they want, spend $4 billion to give it to them, and create $1,000 of gross value in the process. He'll mandate V-chips on TVs that are never watched; he'll create a dozen federal death penalties for crimes that never get committed; he'll create a vast federal program to inoculate our youngsters against infectious disease while we watch the vaccinated population dip. Why, he'll even strangle that ghastly Joe Camel with his own tobacco-PAC - stained fingers in a dramatic faux rescue of America's youth.

"I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you" used to be a punchline that translated seamlessly into any of the dozens of languages spoken in the United States. But the great talents of President Willie and his slick sales force have overcome our native skepticism of government and sent a steady stream of bumbling repairmen into the American home and workplace. Clinton is always at the front door, smilin' and telling you about today's special incentive program: "Your children will love it, it'll make your whole family healthier and wiser, and the neighbors down the block will pay for the whole thing. But you must sign up with the pollster right now, because by tomorrow this fantastic program could be ended by the extremist Republican Congress."

Voter demand for such fantastic bargains remains brisk, despite the disappointing results of previous offers, thanks largely to the marketing genius of "new & improved." New Democrats and Newt Republicans repackage the recalled products of yesteryear in stunningly effective fashion. But each and every such policy sale crowds out alternatives.

Alas, the state is not about subtle trade-offs concerning Monica's desire for hatpins vs. Bill's desire for poetry but about the brutish task of...