How Trump's Fifth Avenue Shooting Plays Out.

• Author: Durst, Will
• Position: OFF THE MAP - Donald Trump

Anybody remember way back in the day when Donald Trump boasted, "I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn't lose voters"? Everyone thought that was an empty boast. But now that we've seen him operate for the better part of a year, we have a pretty good idea of how something like that would go down.

First he'd shoot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue.

Then he'd maintain that no one in the middle of Fifth Avenue was shot.

Then he'd claim he was nowhere near Fifth Avenue when someone was shot, but couldn't speak for the rest of his family.

Witnesses who identified him as the person who shot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue would be disregarded because some of them voted for Mondale in 1984.

Then Trump would claim he had teams of investigators working on the question of who shot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue.

Then he'd deny that Fifth Avenue exists.

Then he'd insist the person who shot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue was hired by Hillary Clinton, adding that he would have won the popular vote if millions of illegal votes hadn't been cast.

Then Sarah Huckabee Sanders would say that when Donald Trump said he would shoot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue, he was only kidding.

Then he'd promise to publicly announce whether he had shot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue in a very short period of time.

Then he would point out a squirrel with a fluffy tail running across the middle of Fifth Avenue.

Then the videotape of him shooting someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue would be discredited as fake news.

Then Sean Hannity would say that people get shot in the middle of Fifth Avenue all the time.

Then Trump would reveal that many people told him he was obviously tremendously innocent and this was all a plot by the media elites to keep him from Making America Great Again.

Then Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III would say that even if Donald Trump did shoot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue, it wasn't that big of a deal, but that he still had to recuse himself.

Then Trump would say there was something very suspicious about the person who was shot in the middle of Fifth Avenue and ask why no one was investigating.

Then he'd say the New York City Police Department was doing a fantastic and amazing job.

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