How to Avoid HOLIDAY TENSIONS.

When families start making their Christmas checklists each year, things can add up in a hurry--gifts to buy, cards to address, decorations to put up, meals to cook, and parties and family get-togethers to attend. Spirits that ought to be soaring can tense up and come tumbling down. Whether you call it the "Christmas Blues" or something else, the result can be a letdown, sometimes even depression, that sets in when the holidays don't measure up to the anticipation, planning, and work.

If that seems to happen with regularity, then people ought to re-think what they do to observe the holidays, argues Gerald Juhnke, assistant professor of counseling, The University of North Carolina at Greensboro. "Christmas is a festive time and a happy time, but sometimes things just don't work out in family get-togethers. It is a time for families to get together, but if no one has a good time, then it's a futile situation, anyway. Sometimes, you just have to break with the tradition if it isn't good for your family.

"People really have to decide what's good for their immediate family--husband, wife, children--and how they can change things if they aren't happy at Christmas. Some families have a history of not getting along well when they get together. Often, the only time they get together is at holidays, funerals, and weddings, and the rest of the time they just live apart."

Making a break with a family tradition can be difficult, Juhnke concedes, especially around the holidays. Couples need to sit down and decide what they want to do. They should think about what did and didn't go well last year and what new things might be incorporated. If that long road trip left everyone exhausted after the holidays, it might be time to make a change.

How do you tell members of your family that you want to change a tradition--like the big family reunion--that has been going on for years? "It's not always easy. People might want to say it something like this: `We love you and we know...