Holidays may prove painful reminder.

• Position: Grieving

The holidays are a joyous occasion for most but, for those who have experienced a loss, this usually festive time of year can be a painful reminder that their loved one no longer is around. "Traditionally, it is a time of family, friends, and laughter but, for people who are in the grieving process, the holidays can enhance feelings of personal grief and separate us from what used to make us happy," explains Cynthia Bozich-Keith, a clinical assistant professor in the School of Nursing at Purdue University, West Lafayette, Ind.

She says that, although every person's grief is individual, there are several things a grieving person can do to get through the season:

* Be gentle with yourself. Take time out for you, whether through pampering or just slowing down a bit.

* Be sure to eat a nutritious diet, exercise, get adequate sleep, and avoid alcohol.

* Talk about your feelings with people who you love and who love you. Allow yourself the right to talk about the person who died. The process of sharing memories may help with the healing process.

* Set limits. Be realistic about the difference between what you want to do and what you can do versus what you should do. "The shoulds will get you every time," Bozich-Keith points out. "It's important to let go of the need to be perfect or doing it all. If you're used to doing all of the shopping, cooking, and decorating around the holidays, perhaps this is the year to share those things with others."

* Do not feel guilty...