Help Wanted, 0320 COBJ, Vol. 49, No. 3 Pg. 4
| Author | BY SARAH MYERS |
| Position | Vol. 49, 3 [Page 4] |
CBA PRESIDENT'S MESSAGE
BY SARAH MYERS
Introduction
I'm handing over this month's message to Sarah Myers of COLAP to address a topic that's near and dear to my heart: lawyer wellness and the value of asking for help. If you've read my previous messages, you know that I've been a high school dropout, a teen mother, and a single parent. I've also gone through dissolutions of marriage and dealing with a large blended family—not to mention the loss of loved ones, job issues, and health issues. And I certainly haven't dealt with all of these situations alone. In fact, over the years, I've learned that good counselors are worth their weight in gold.
I'd like to share a personal story to illustrate the value of reaching out to a professional. When my husband Jim and I were first married, we struggled to communicate after a long workday. I would come home and immediately want to talk about some problem. He, being a good lawyer, would start analyzing the problem and giving advice on how to fix it. Then, I would put on my lawyer hat and start arguing with him about why his suggestions wouldn't work for me. Now we were both angry! This scenario would come up in the other direction too: Jim would come home with a problem, and I would start taking on the role of his lawyer. A counselor gave us the following insight: we both wanted our spouse's response, not a lawyer's. When we found this routine playing out, we should make the sports time-out sign and say, "Dear, I know you're a good lawyer, but right now I need my husband/wife." We both learned this simple trick and it worked! We've been happily married for almost 33 years.
—President Kathleen Hearn Croshal
Every time you are tempted to react in the. same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.
—Deepak Chopra
Legal professionals often put the needs of their clients, firm, or employer above their own, and in some cases above the needs of coworkers, colleagues, family, and friends who might also need assistance. How to ask for help when we need it, or recognize when we might need assistance, isn't taught in law school, nor is it modeled by most lawyers. After all, we're a competitive bunch made up of mostly type-A perfectionists, and we're extraordinarily hard on ourselves.
Why We Suffer
Masochism in the form of "suffering in silence" and putting work above our health, well-being, and social networks of family and friends has been a long-standing trend in...
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