A great checking offer.

• Author: Wachtel, George
• Position: THE LETTER CLINIC

HERE IS A MAILING FROM FIRST NIAGARA selling checking accounts that hits all the bases and knocks it (mostly) out of the ball park. From the mailing package, to the layout and the offer, they do an excellent job of presenting their sales case.

1. The Mailing Package: The piece comes in a #10 double-window envelope, with the key sales message showing through the second window; and the bank's localized return address showing through the first window. The "letter" is lasered on an oversized 14" sheet of solid, glossy stock (that "feels good" to the touch); and comes with a lift note that details all their checking choices and account benefits.

2. The Johnson's Box: The area in the upper-right of this one-page letter is the highlight of the piece: it succinctly hits the key benefits; and uses a great color graphic to illustrate.

3. Salutation: First Niagara took the extra step of coming up with a first name salutation that adds to the personalization.

4. First Paragraph: They correctly and concisely answer the key question, "What's in it for me?" Plus, they carry forward their "fact" with the wording, "The fact is ..."

5. Second Paragraph: Here, the letter copy stumbles just a little bit. They get too detailed at this point in trying to distinguish for the reader the difference in account benefits. Rather, they should just reinforce the "Free ATM" message.

6. Call To Action: While I think the call to action is presented too early in the sales message, the "arrow graphics" dictate they appear in the middle of the layout. The response options are excellent, including the variable data of the reader's local branches. But the "personalized" Web link for Timothy Berger ends up being just a standard Web page--which could...