Gaydar Love.

• Author: Clinton, Kate
• Position: Effects of technological innovations on society - Brief Article - Column

A Canadian entrepreneur--two words you just don't hear enough in tandem--recently patented a small pocket device that can be carried by gay men to detect the presence of other gay men. Instead of a well-placed handkerchief, pinky ring, or rainbow decal, the little wonder picks up signals the guys are giving off. The device can also be set to "female" for lesbo-detection. Gender equity has long been a hallmark of the Canadian psyche.

When the gizmo is activated by an electronic impulse from another, a beep sounds or a light blinks. One hopes that in future design requirements, a vibrating function will be added, not only for the pleasure principle, but also for noise abatement amidst the already deafening racket of the Cellulites.

"Hey, is that a cell phone in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"

Demonstrating that he has learned from H. Ty Warner, the marketing genius behind the Beanie Baby craze, the Canadian entrepreneur will not ship his invention until 40,000 units are sold over the Net in selected markets. He claims this is so a gay man will not be further traumatized to discover that, given his new device, he is still the only gay person in the room.

The developer has been stymied thus far, not by any technical difficulties but by trademark problems. The rights to the name "Gaydar" are in dispute in this domain-crazed world. So let me offer some optional names for the homo-homing box: Yamagaychi, Beanie Gaybies, Tickle Me Homo, or Dirty Chatty Kathy.

Of course, I'm old fashioned enough to worry that this gadget will fall into the wrong hands and that more violence will be done to gay men and lesbians. Please don't give one to Jesse "The Boil" Helms.

I've always felt like I was born into the wrong century. With new developments like this in the past few months, I've been feeling twice as lost. But now I'm trying to change my mainframe; I'm seeing this as an opportunity to be as out of it as I thought my parents were.

Despite my occasional dismay, "We remain enthralled," to quote the Pope at the recent Vatican Jubilee 2000.

I do. I have no...