Gay fathers: disrupting sex stereotyping and challenging the father-promotion crusade.

• Author: Meyer, Erin Marie
• Position: II. Disrupting the Sex-Stereotyped Father A. Gay Fathers: 'Maternal' Motivations to Become a Parent through Conclusion, with footnotes, p. 507-530

1. Gay Fathers: "Maternal" Motivations to Become a Parent

   The first indication that gay fathers may be disrupting sex stereotypes surrounding parenting comes from research suggesting that gay men may, like women, be more likely than heterosexual men to have a strong desire to become parents in the first instance. As Judith Stacey notes, "men's biological procreative disadvantage represents a significant barrier to gender equity" in terms of "pursuing parenthood solo," but this barrier "is one that gay men appear more motivated than their heterosexual counterparts to hurdle." (92) She writes that "©ontemporary openly gay paternity, which by definition is never accidental, requires the determined efforts of at least one gay man [with a] passion for parenthood.... A man, that is, whose parental desire might more accurately be understood as maternal than as paternal." (93) If this is indeed true, perhaps it is unsurprising to find that, as compared to heterosexual fathers, gay fathers are also "reported to have greater satisfaction with their first child." (94) In addition, "evidence suggests that straight men are disproportionately less likely than gay men ... to regard full-time, at-home parenting as their calling." (95) Although describing a strong urge to become a parent as a "maternal" characteristic risks reinforcing the stereotype that women, unlike men, possess a "maternal instinct" that drives their desire to bear children, (96) Stacey's observation can be understood to suggest that gay fathers disrupt the corollary stereotype which posits that men do not desire to become parents with the same fervor as do women.

2. Gay Fathers: More "Feminine" / Less "Traditionally Masculine" Parenting Behaviors

   Research conducted by a number of scholars suggests that gay fathers disrupt sex stereotypes in parenting by behaving in a manner that is more "feminine," or at least not as "masculine," as that of their heterosexual counterparts. Raymond Scallen describes one study conducted by Bozett in 1980 as finding that gay fathers "emphasiz[e] the expressive nature of the parent-child interaction." (97) Scallen concludes from his own study as well that "gay fathers may be described as more committed [than heterosexual fathers] to a view of nurturance as an important aspect of their fathering." (98) He defines nurturance as "an expressive, active, caretaking interest in the child," a "role dimension" that has traditionally been "considered the province of the maternal role." While noting that the heterosexual fathers he surveyed in the early 1980s were also more likely than heterosexual fathers of previous decades to engage in expressive, nurturing behavior, he found that the gay fathers were particularly "more nurturant" than the heterosexual fathers surveyed. (99) Along similar lines, a 1989 study by Bigner and Jacobsen found that "gay fathers are ... more sensitive and responsive to the perceived needs of [their] children than nongay fathers." (100)

   More recent studies have also noted the absence of masculine parenting behavior among gay fathers. For example, Biblarz and Stacey report that gay male co-parents "do not provide a double dose of "masculine' parenting," but rather "appear to adopt parenting practices more 'feminine' than do typical heterosexual fathers." As evidence of this claim, they cite studies conducted in 2000 and 2006 which found that "when two gay men coparented, they did so in ways that seem[ed] closer, [albeit] not identical, to that of two lesbian women than to a heterosexual woman and man." (101) Similarly, Benson, Silverstein, and Auerbach argue that some gay men have "transform[ed] the fathering role in American culture" (102) by creating a "new, culturally progressive definition of fathering [that] includes behaviors that were formerly thought of as mothering." (103) They observe, as did Scallen, that both heterosexual and gay fathers have increased their sense of emotional closeness to their children as compared to heterosexual fathers of past generations, but report that the heterosexual fathers in their study were "still not as close to their children as their wives were" whereas approximately one-third of the gay fathers displayed a:

   [L]evel of intimacy ... more typical of the kind of closeness that occurs between mothers and children in U.S. culture. These fathers used a sense of intimacy with their children that was equivalent to a feminine model of parenting relationships in that the men and their children talked about very personal and emotional issues. (104) Benson, Silverstein, and Auerbach describe gay fathers' expanded model of fathering as one of "intimate fathering," which focuses on what men feel in relation to their children. "Intimate fathering" exceeds the model of "nurturing fathering," which primarily focuses on what men do in relation to their children. (105) They conclude that gay men who practice the intimate fathering model show that it is "possible for the father-child relationship to be as close as the mother-child bond." (106)

   These descriptions of gay fathers, which emphasize their emotional connections to and sensitivity toward their children, suggest that they tend to possess "expressive traits." As mentioned in Part I of this Article, (107) "expressive traits," as opposed to "instrumental traits," have traditionally been associated with femininity. Indeed, expressive traits are typically defined to encompass "sensitivity to the needs of others" and emotional "warmth." (108) However, it must be noted that describing sensitivity and emotional communicativeness as "feminine" traits risks perpetuating a stereotypical and circumscribed understanding of femininity. Sensitive to this problem, psychologists writing more recently than Twenge have resisted linking "instrumental" to "masculinity" and "expressive" to "femininity." As Nikos and Giorgos Bozionelos explain, "[i]nstmmentality or agency and expressiveness or communion correspond to the frequently used terms masculinity and femin[in]ity, respectively. However, sound discussions have rendered these terms conceptually misleading and their use should be avoided." (109) Benson, Silverstein, and Auerbach engage in a similar form of resistance by opting not to label gay fathers' behavior as "feminine" but rather as a redefinition of the term "masculine." They argue that gay fathers, in shifting from the model of "nurturing fathering" toward a model of "intimate fathering," "have the potential to reconstruct masculinity." (110) Specifically, they suggest that gay fathers' parenting behaviors will redefine masculinity such that it will no longer remain limited to "traditional masculinity" which "emphasized achievement, aggression, and restrictive emotionality." By contrast, gay fathers display "a more progressive masculinity that espouses a balance between work and family roles, collaborative power-sharing, and more emotional responsiveness." (111)

   Regardless of whether one chooses to define gay fathers' parenting style as "feminine" or "progressively masculine," it is apparent that gay fathers are disrupting sex-stereotyped parenting behaviors. One may argue that their behavior is more appropriately labeled as an expanded definition of masculinity, that this expanded definition of masculinity is really femininity by another name, or that "femininity" and "masculinity" are socially constructed categories with decreasing utility in describing increasingly complex and varied combinations of human behaviors. Either way, the social science research suggests that gay fathers are not conforming to the father-promotion crusaders' definition of "father" as a traditionally-defined "masculine" parent. Moreover, at least some evidence tends to suggest that gay fathers are not aiming to transmit traditional masculinity to their sons, and are thereby failing to fulfill the primary need served by having a masculine parent as conceived by the father-promotion crusaders. This evidence comes in the form of studies finding that "gay men [are] less inclined than heterosexual couples to promote gender conformity in children." (112) For example, gay fathers may be less likely to encourage their children to play with sex-typed toys. (113)

3. Gay Fathers: Performing Traditional "Mothering" Tasks / Not Performing Traditional "Fathering" Tasks

   Another aspect of parenting in which gay fathers disrupt sex stereotypes is in embracing tasks or roles traditionally associated with mothering while rejecting or deemphasizing tasks or roles traditionally associated with fathering. The two main parental tasks traditionally associated with fathers are (1) being the primary breadwinner, and (2) being the disciplinarian. (114) This first task, which may represent the "most traditional of paternal expectations," places fathers in the role of being "the instrumental provider for the family, as well as the bridge for children between the home and the general society." (115) According to Scallen, however, gay fathers do not fully conform to the father-promotion crusaders' sex-stereotyped definition of "father" which associates it with being the primary economic provider. Scallen's study of heterosexual and gay fathers found that the heterosexual fathers were more likely than the gay fathers "to endorse economic providing as an espoused paternal role dimension." (116) As compared to heterosexual fathers, gay fathers appeared more "ready to assume that th[e] responsibility [of economic providing] is a shared one" and were "more likely to see the child's mother as bearing some responsibility for the child's economic support," a finding "consistent with" the observation made in other research "regarding gay fathers' concern for children adopting non-sexist, egalitarian views." (117)

   The finding that gay fathers are less endorsing than heterosexual fathers of the "economic providing paternal role expectation" does not mean, however, that gay fathers have...