Finding - and bringing home - the child who is right for you.

• Author: Caldwell, Mardie
• Position: Life in America

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ADOPTION has changed. The process that once seemed cold, secretive, and formal has been transformed. Sure, adoptive parents still must deal with waiting lists, reams of legal paperwork, and visits from social workers, but the heartening truth is that the entire process has become faster, less costly, and more open and human. While there are many reasons for this friendlier new face of adoption, one of the biggest undoubtedly is the Internet. The world of hard drives, URLs, and bandwidth can yield a decidedly untechnical result: a deeply cherished bundle of joy.

Successful adoptions are all about information, communication, and resources, and that makes the Internet a natural tool for bringing families together. In the past several years, the adoption community has developed a substantial presence on the Internet. It has connected adoptive parents to agencies and facilitators, lawyers, and social workers, creating a thriving online community of adoption professionals and enthusiasts. Cyberspace now is filled with countless "hotlinks," online adoption resources that range from private and public agencies, to chat rooms, to birth mother profiles, to attorneys. Without the Internet, many thousands of families would not have found the children who have made each of their lives wonderfully complete.

Yet, beyond the Internet, there are a number of simple techniques to help improve the odds of finding--and bringing home--the "right" child. For example, do not let "reclaim" fears hold you back. It is a common belief, reinforced by media sensationalizing, that a birth mother can come back during the child's life and reclaim her offspring. If the adoption is legal (no fraud nor duress), then it is irrevocable. However, for a period of time after the birth, as set by state law, the biological mother may decline to sign papers relinquishing parental tights to her child, an act known as reclaim. In ' Washington State, she has 48 hours; in California, 36 days; and, in some states, six months. Do your research; choose a good adoption professional (who knows the red flags); and make certain the adoption is legal and aboveboard.

If at all possible, consider open adoption--in which the birth parents may select the adoptive family and sometimes have contact with the child afterward--as it is healthier for everyone involved. The birth parents will be satisfied that they made the correct choice, and the adoptive parents will have access to the medical...